“’It’s not you, it’s me?’ What the fuck does that even mean?”
She doesn’t even care enough to come up with something original? Spencer stopped himself before he used his out loud voice. “It’s just a stupid thing people say. . .A way to make themselves feel better.”
“And who texts someone to break up with him?” Brendon jerked his arm back, but Spencer grabbed the phone before Brendon could fling it across the bus.
“Don’t shoot the messenger. It’s a pain in the ass to replace a phone on the road.”
“You’d know.”
“Extreme circumstances! Ryan—“
“You’re right,” Brendon interjected, reclaiming his phone. “It’s not worth it.”
“You mean, she’s not worth it.” Shit, that one was out loud.
Brendon sighed. “Not yet, Spence. . .too soon, you know?”
“Yeah, sorry. It’s late. You should get some sleep. Mom always says everything looks better after a good night’s sleep.”
Brendon huffed out a little skeptical laugh, but obediently headed for his bunk.
Two hours later when Spencer had unwound enough to think about sleep, Brendon’s ipod was still playing (“Everybody Hurts,” tinny but recognizable) and he could hear Brendon shifting around too deliberately to be asleep. Spencer poked his head into the bunk and Brendon stared at him, bleary-eyed and mournful in the dim light.
“Hey.”
Brendon scooched over wordlessly and Spencer climbed into the bunk. Brendon immediately curled up next to him, expertly fitting their bodies into the narrow space.
Neither of them said anything while Brendon’s ipod played “Hallelujah,” then “What a Catch, Donnie.”
When “Eleanor Rigby” came on, Spencer hit the pause button. “Look, Brendon. . .” He yanked the ear buds out of Brendon’s ears before continuing. “It’s going to be ok. Really.”
Brendon rolled over, facing the wall, and when he spoke his voice was muffled. “Why do people keep leaving me?”
“Brendon—“
“They do! You know they do. I don’t care what Sarah said. It has to be me, or this wouldn’t keep happening.”
Spencer’s patience snapped. “Sarah’s a bitch.”
Brendon turned quickly. “Don’t--”
Spencer kept talking over Brendon’s protest. “She is. She’s a snotty duplicitous little bitch and I never liked her. She wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit her on the ass and there is NO way I’m going to let you use her stupidity as evidence of. . .your lack of self-worth or whatever crap you’re feeding yourself.”
“But--”
“No, I don’t want to hear it.”
When Brendon opened his mouth to speak again, Spencer kissed him, hard and vicious and fast. Brendon made a surprised sound, but when Spencer pulled away, he kept his mouth shut.
Spencer forced his voice to a gentler tone.“Don’t beat yourself up, ok?”
Brendon nodded, eyes wide, and Spencer kissed him again, softer this time and sweet, like the first kiss in a Disney movie, and Brendon kissed back. Spencer let himself get lost in it for a while -- Brendon’s lush mouth and darting tongue, lazy slow kisses heating up and getting just a little dirty -- until Brendon groaned against his mouth and clutched at his hip.
Spencer jerked away, because that wasn’t what this was about. Ok, maybe it was, a little bit, for him, but Brendon had never given any indication of interest and it’s not cool to take advantage of your friends when they’re upset and vulnerable. (And that goes double when they’re licking their wet, swollen lips and looking up at you with stupid bedroom eyes.)
Brendon’s brow furrowed and he touched his mouth tentatively. “Why’d you stop?”
“Time to sleep.” Spencer announced firmly. “It’s late.” That was good, his breathing almost sounded normal. He flipped through the playlists on Brendon’s ipod, settling on the one called, “Happy!”
“No more pity party music.” He handed Brendon the ear buds and hit play. “Get some sleep.”
Brendon blinked as “Golden Slumbers” began playing. Something flickered across his face and then was gone. He offered Brendon one of the ear buds and they settled in with their heads leaned together.
Spencer hummed quietly, then picked up the words on the next chorus. Brendon sighed and relaxed back against him and Spencer sang along until he felt Brendon’s body go still and loose with sleep.
Take a Sad Song and Make It Better (Panic, Brendon/Spencer)
She doesn’t even care enough to come up with something original? Spencer stopped himself before he used his out loud voice. “It’s just a stupid thing people say. . .A way to make themselves feel better.”
“And who texts someone to break up with him?” Brendon jerked his arm back, but Spencer grabbed the phone before Brendon could fling it across the bus.
“Don’t shoot the messenger. It’s a pain in the ass to replace a phone on the road.”
“You’d know.”
“Extreme circumstances! Ryan—“
“You’re right,” Brendon interjected, reclaiming his phone. “It’s not worth it.”
“You mean, she’s not worth it.” Shit, that one was out loud.
Brendon sighed. “Not yet, Spence. . .too soon, you know?”
“Yeah, sorry. It’s late. You should get some sleep. Mom always says everything looks better after a good night’s sleep.”
Brendon huffed out a little skeptical laugh, but obediently headed for his bunk.
Two hours later when Spencer had unwound enough to think about sleep, Brendon’s ipod was still playing (“Everybody Hurts,” tinny but recognizable) and he could hear Brendon shifting around too deliberately to be asleep. Spencer poked his head into the bunk and Brendon stared at him, bleary-eyed and mournful in the dim light.
“Hey.”
Brendon scooched over wordlessly and Spencer climbed into the bunk. Brendon immediately curled up next to him, expertly fitting their bodies into the narrow space.
Neither of them said anything while Brendon’s ipod played “Hallelujah,” then “What a Catch, Donnie.”
When “Eleanor Rigby” came on, Spencer hit the pause button. “Look, Brendon. . .” He yanked the ear buds out of Brendon’s ears before continuing. “It’s going to be ok. Really.”
Brendon rolled over, facing the wall, and when he spoke his voice was muffled. “Why do people keep leaving me?”
“Brendon—“
“They do! You know they do. I don’t care what Sarah said. It has to be me, or this wouldn’t keep happening.”
Spencer’s patience snapped. “Sarah’s a bitch.”
Brendon turned quickly. “Don’t--”
Spencer kept talking over Brendon’s protest. “She is. She’s a snotty duplicitous little bitch and I never liked her. She wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit her on the ass and there is NO way I’m going to let you use her stupidity as evidence of. . .your lack of self-worth or whatever crap you’re feeding yourself.”
“But--”
“No, I don’t want to hear it.”
When Brendon opened his mouth to speak again, Spencer kissed him, hard and vicious and fast. Brendon made a surprised sound, but when Spencer pulled away, he kept his mouth shut.
Spencer forced his voice to a gentler tone.“Don’t beat yourself up, ok?”
Brendon nodded, eyes wide, and Spencer kissed him again, softer this time and sweet, like the first kiss in a Disney movie, and Brendon kissed back. Spencer let himself get lost in it for a while -- Brendon’s lush mouth and darting tongue, lazy slow kisses heating up and getting just a little dirty -- until Brendon groaned against his mouth and clutched at his hip.
Spencer jerked away, because that wasn’t what this was about. Ok, maybe it was, a little bit, for him, but Brendon had never given any indication of interest and it’s not cool to take advantage of your friends when they’re upset and vulnerable. (And that goes double when they’re licking their wet, swollen lips and looking up at you with stupid bedroom eyes.)
Brendon’s brow furrowed and he touched his mouth tentatively. “Why’d you stop?”
“Time to sleep.” Spencer announced firmly. “It’s late.” That was good, his breathing almost sounded normal. He flipped through the playlists on Brendon’s ipod, settling on the one called, “Happy!”
“No more pity party music.” He handed Brendon the ear buds and hit play. “Get some sleep.”
Brendon blinked as “Golden Slumbers” began playing. Something flickered across his face and then was gone. He offered Brendon one of the ear buds and they settled in with their heads leaned together.
Spencer hummed quietly, then picked up the words on the next chorus. Brendon sighed and relaxed back against him and Spencer sang along until he felt Brendon’s body go still and loose with sleep.