When Gabe wakes up, he's lying on the floor of the bathroom, his head caught between the commode and the tub, neck at an awkward angle. He manages to get himself up onto his elbows without adding to the pounding in his skull. He blinks a couple of times, trying to make the room stop spinning and make sense. It eventually does one, but no matter how many times he blinks, he's still wearing a kilt that's pushed up to his stomach, and Gerard Way's head is in his lap. His naked lap. Where his dick is.

"Huh."

Gerard makes a noise that might be a word or a stomach gurgle or an alien language for all Gabe can make out. The only thing he desperately hopes it isn't is a prelude to Gerard vomiting. He makes the noise again and nuzzles Gabe's dick, his hand scratching at Gabe's thigh.

"Were we roleplaying Highlander last night or something?"

Gerard sniffs and snuggles closer, burying his nose at the base of Gabe's dick, right above his balls. Every breath makes Gabe's dick twitch and his balls jerk in reaction.

"Seriously. Why am I wearing a kilt?" Gerard snuffles and doesn't answer. Gabe figures he has two choices. One involves everyone escaping with their dignity intact, but that also involves everyone else being in the same boat he is, and having no fucking clue what happened. So, option two. He reaches down, fingers grazing his cock and forcing him to suck in a breath. He grabs Gerard's nose, cutting off his breathing. He feels his mouth open, hot air on Gabe's balls and then Gerard jerks back, rubbing his nose and squinting.

"Shazam."

Gabe blinks. "Really?"

He rubs his eyes with the balls of his hands and slaps at the bathroom light until it goes off, leaving them in the weird green glow of the nightlight. "Porkchops."

"What?"

Gerard shakes his head and manages to focus on Gabe. "Saporta?"

"Give the man a monkey." Gabe wriggles out from beside the toilet and sits on top of it. The kilt covers all his naked parts now, though his cock is still interested in the goings-on, pressing against the fabric, eavesdropping to see if it's going to get mentioned. Attention whore. "Do you know what happened?"

"You woke me up."

"Before that."

He looks dubious. "I was asleep?"

"Why..." He forces himself to calm down, taking a deep breath. "Why am I in a kilt, Gerard?"

"Oh!" He beams happily. "You lost a bet with Tyler."

"I never lose a bet with Tyler."

"Well, Tyler cheated."

"So he made me wear a kilt."

"No."

"No." Gabe rubs his temples, belatedly realizing that he should have taken all the aspirin before he'd woken Gerard. "Then..."

"He locked you in the bathroom with me. Like 'seven minutes in heaven'?" Gerard beams. "I helped him cheat."

"So we're locked in a bathroom."

"Yeah. I think Mikey'll come looking for us soon enough."

"And the kilt?"

"Oh." Gerard grabs the hem of it and lifts it up, peeking underneath. "You were really drunk and you said you'd have a better chance of getting a good fuck in if you wore a skirt. This was the only thing we could find."

"This was my idea?"

"Not the making out with me part."

"Did I get laid?"

"If you did, it was after I passed out." Gerard shrugs. "Sorry. I mean, we were both really drunk. I don't even think we made out."

"This is all some elaborate prank, isn't it?"

Gerard blinks, all innocence. "You said you had to wear it like a real Scot."

"Of course I did." Gabe sighs and rubs his jaw, feeling the burn of a night's worth of stubble. "Mikey'll realize we're missing, right?"

"Yeah."

Gabe nods and grabs Gerard's hand, tugging him up onto his lap. "Okay. Well, c'mere." He gets Gerard straddling him and grabs his hips. "I owe you seven minutes of kisses."