Brendon makes full use of a bathroom all to himself. But even the hour he spends in there doesn't make him feel any better. When he comes out, he's still alone in the room. Brendon leans against the wall next to the bathroom door and sighs. He doesn't want to make a thing of "it". He doesn't want everyone to give him a wide berth, to make Zack and Spencer and everyone worry. It's stupid to be sad for something that kind of didn't happen at all. It's really fucking stupid to be sad that not one of his fantasies will ever become real. It's not like that's news--Brendon is and was aware that Spencer doesn't think of Brendon like that. Brendon would've noticed if that was the case. What he thinks he's seen in sideways glances and stuff is just what Brendon wants to see.
Brendon crawls into bed just because. He doesn't want to get dressed up and join his friends at the bar. He doesn't want to sit there and smile and try not to be awkward and weird. Awkward and weird currently seems to be Brendon's default setting. He curls up on himself and wills himself to sleep. He doesn't want to think about any of this anymore.
He's pretty tired, but he's also wide awake, and sleep won't come. He can't stop thinking of the million situations he planned out in his mind. Like, there's never going to be a passionate on-stage first kiss. As far as Brendon's fantasies go, that one was pretty far-fetched, but it was fun. Spencer's also never going to grab Brendon around his hips after they've come back surfing, throw him on their beach towel and wrestle. He's never going to end up on top of Brendon and pause, looking at Brendon's lips. He's never going to lean in and kiss Brendon for the first time like that.
It just hurts more than it should.
When Spencer comes back, Brendon's still awake. He doesn't speak up, though. Spencer slips into the bathroom and Brendon can dimly make out the noises of his nightly routine.
Brendon turns his face into the pillow. He's still stupid and still sad and he can't stop. He wills himself to sleep, but it's never that easy.
Spencer closes the bathroom door quietly, but when he stands between their beds, he stops. "Brendon?" His voice is gentle and quiet, and he doesn't sound one bit drunk, which is weird since he just spent like three hours in a bar.
Brendon's really, really silent. He doesn't see the flaw in his plan until Spencer sits down on the edge of his bed and sighs loudly. "You mumble in your sleep," Spencer says. "And you snore every once in a while and sometimes you grunt and you're fidgeting even in your sleep. B, I know you're awake because you're only ever this quiet on purpose."
Brendon's torn between laughing and crying. He really doesn't want to Spencer right now. Thankfully Spencer seems comfortable to take over the talking part.
"Everything all right?" Spencer's got this carefully neutral and soft tone, the one he always used with Ryan, and Brendon doesn't want to be like Ryan.
"Yeah," Brendon forces himself to say. "Everything's good." He tries to tell Spencer telepathetically to let it go. Spencer doesn't seem to respond to telepathy, though.
"Because you've been weird recently. Withdrawn." Spencer rubs Brendon's arm. "You know you can come and talk to me at any time, right?"
Brendon nods, not caring whether Spencer can see him in the dark.
Spencer sighs really loudly. "Brendon, I--" Then he sighs again and crawls under the covers. Brendon's covers.
"What?" Brendon is surprised enough that he makes place for Spencer. "I thought the bed-sharing stopped, when we could afford big enough hotel rooms."
"Bed-sharing is always on when one of us is being stupid," Spencer tells him. He wraps his arm around Brendon's middle, pulls him close and settles down. "And now spill."
"What happened to you can come talk to me at any time? Maybe now's not the time."
Spencer snorts. His breath is brushing Brendon's nape and Brendon can't suppress a shiver. "That was me telling you subtly to open up. Since it didn't work, I'll have to force you to talk to me."
"That's not good for my mental health," Brendon tries hesitantly. "I could get a trauma and never talk again."
Not Kissed #2
Brendon crawls into bed just because. He doesn't want to get dressed up and join his friends at the bar. He doesn't want to sit there and smile and try not to be awkward and weird. Awkward and weird currently seems to be Brendon's default setting. He curls up on himself and wills himself to sleep. He doesn't want to think about any of this anymore.
He's pretty tired, but he's also wide awake, and sleep won't come. He can't stop thinking of the million situations he planned out in his mind. Like, there's never going to be a passionate on-stage first kiss. As far as Brendon's fantasies go, that one was pretty far-fetched, but it was fun. Spencer's also never going to grab Brendon around his hips after they've come back surfing, throw him on their beach towel and wrestle. He's never going to end up on top of Brendon and pause, looking at Brendon's lips. He's never going to lean in and kiss Brendon for the first time like that.
It just hurts more than it should.
When Spencer comes back, Brendon's still awake. He doesn't speak up, though. Spencer slips into the bathroom and Brendon can dimly make out the noises of his nightly routine.
Brendon turns his face into the pillow. He's still stupid and still sad and he can't stop. He wills himself to sleep, but it's never that easy.
Spencer closes the bathroom door quietly, but when he stands between their beds, he stops. "Brendon?" His voice is gentle and quiet, and he doesn't sound one bit drunk, which is weird since he just spent like three hours in a bar.
Brendon's really, really silent. He doesn't see the flaw in his plan until Spencer sits down on the edge of his bed and sighs loudly. "You mumble in your sleep," Spencer says. "And you snore every once in a while and sometimes you grunt and you're fidgeting even in your sleep. B, I know you're awake because you're only ever this quiet on purpose."
Brendon's torn between laughing and crying. He really doesn't want to Spencer right now. Thankfully Spencer seems comfortable to take over the talking part.
"Everything all right?" Spencer's got this carefully neutral and soft tone, the one he always used with Ryan, and Brendon doesn't want to be like Ryan.
"Yeah," Brendon forces himself to say. "Everything's good." He tries to tell Spencer telepathetically to let it go. Spencer doesn't seem to respond to telepathy, though.
"Because you've been weird recently. Withdrawn." Spencer rubs Brendon's arm. "You know you can come and talk to me at any time, right?"
Brendon nods, not caring whether Spencer can see him in the dark.
Spencer sighs really loudly. "Brendon, I--" Then he sighs again and crawls under the covers. Brendon's covers.
"What?" Brendon is surprised enough that he makes place for Spencer. "I thought the bed-sharing stopped, when we could afford big enough hotel rooms."
"Bed-sharing is always on when one of us is being stupid," Spencer tells him. He wraps his arm around Brendon's middle, pulls him close and settles down. "And now spill."
"What happened to you can come talk to me at any time? Maybe now's not the time."
Spencer snorts. His breath is brushing Brendon's nape and Brendon can't suppress a shiver. "That was me telling you subtly to open up. Since it didn't work, I'll have to force you to talk to me."
"That's not good for my mental health," Brendon tries hesitantly. "I could get a trauma and never talk again."