turps | (no subject)

Okay, rant ahead so be warned.

Not so long ago one of my friends left my house. She's not a close friend, we live on the same housing estate and her daughter is best friends with my son. Tonight she'd went out and left her live in partner babysitting. He phoned and told her she had 5 minutes to get home or else. She only goes out one night a week and was having a good time with her brother and friends, so decided to stay out a bit longer.

So she gets home and her partner is waiting livid with rage. He grabs her by her neck, throws her to the floor, takes her money and keys and generally rains verbal abuse on her. Did I mention this is in front of her 7 year old daughter? Then, and this makes me so fucking mad, he hides all of his daughters coats and chucks my friend, her little girl and the dog out of their home and locks them out. Yeah, his daughter is outside in her nightclothes at 9pm because her dad won't let her have a coat.

They come to mine, luckily I live only a minutes walk away, but what if I didn't? They have no money and K is in her pyjamas. L was sobbing as she phoned to try and find her mam, so she could go there for the night, while K was practically in shock, telling me her mam and dad had had a fight.

James was off so he could drive them to somewhere safe. Just after they left someone started banging on my window and I was so damn scared, thought it was L's partner. ( I was alone with my son) but it was L's brother who was fuming. He came back twice, in between he kicked the crap out of L's partner. Good.

But what gets me is in the car L was telling James what happened, and James told her to leave him, but she says that she loves him, and I know she'll go back. See, I don't get that. My mam was beaten up by one of her boyfriends when I was a kid, and I swore if anyone ever did that to me I'd be out of there.

But then again, what do I know? It's never happened to me, so until it does I can't judge. All I know is men that hit women make me sick.

Sorry for the self indulgent rant but I needed to vent.

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My mother's second husband (whom she married when I was eight) beat her and I both up, among verbal and sexual abuse to me and verbal abuse to her. He was finally arrested, and she took him back after parole. I never know why either, but she says it was because she was still trying to get a job, and she needed to stay for his income and insurance. I haven't forgiven her yet for taking him back.
Give your friend hugs for me, I feel for her and her daughter.

I'm glad that you felt brave enough to answer my question, thank you.

I really believe that you can't judge something until you walk in someone's shoes, and knowing about your situation helps.

How could anyone take someone back after they had abused their child? If someone touched my son I'd seriously consider murder. Anyone who takes back someone after that level of abuse is beyond my understanding. I'm angry for you right now Panda.

Income or insurance is *not* a good enough excuse.

I'll certainly pass on your hugs to my friend and her daughter, and accepts snugs from me to you. I hope that loathsome man is long gone from your life.

Thanks for the snugs. :) A lot of ppl seem to be angry for me when I tell them what happened. I guess it didn't seem like a big deal, and I just got mad at myself for it, but that's another story.
Mother didn't know he sexually abused me until after we'd left him. And yes, he is out of our life, but as a good friend of mine has said, he seems to still have a hold on me.

But what gets me is in the car L was telling James what happened, and James told her to leave him, but she says that she loves him, and I know she'll go back. See, I don't get that. My mam was beaten up by one of her boyfriends when I was a kid, and I swore if anyone ever did that to me I'd be out of there.

But then again, what do I know? It's never happened to me, so until it does I can't judge. All I know is men that hit women make me sick.

It has happened to me, by two seperate men at two different times in my life. The first man I stayed with because I literally knew no one, had no one, where we lived. When we moved to a place where I did know people, I left him. The second man was my partner of seven years. After he went into the military, he became verbally and emotionally abusive. Our other partner and I finally left him and he got counselling so we went back. We did love him, just not his behaviour. All was well until he got out of the military and was angry with the changes that had occurred in our family. He was asked to leave when he got physically abusive with me. I was sad that our relationship fell apart, but not so sad as to want to let him come back. We see each other often still, and I can say we're friends. Would I ever trust him like that again? Not on my life.

But yeah, abusive partners just suck, and I hate that it happens.

Thank you for your story. It helps me see that in some situations people will stay with people that abuse them. I guess circumstance is a big factor. I can understand that if you were isolated staying with an abusive partner might be the only option.

It must be so difficult if you love someone, to make that decision to leave the second man . I know it's possible to love someone but not their behaviour. My mam has a drinking problem, and while I love her, I hate how she behaves.

I'm happy that as a family you were strong enough to make him leave once he became physically abusive. No one has the right to hit another person in anger. I'm glad that you have the ability to see him as a friend now while still maintaining mistrust. That seems very wise to me.

But yeah, abusive partners just suck, and I hate that it happens

Yeah, totally. But I can see reading your story that on some occasions people might not be able to leave, that does help me understand a little.

I hope you've achieved happiness in your life now. Thanks again for sharing.

Thank you for your story. It helps me see that in some situations people will stay with people that abuse them. I guess circumstance is a big factor.

Yes, I think that's a big factor.

It must be so difficult if you love someone, to make that decision to leave the second man . I know it's possible to love someone but not their behaviour. My mam has a drinking problem, and while I love her, I hate how she behaves.

You do know how it feels. *hugs*

I'm glad that you have the ability to see him as a friend now while still maintaining mistrust. That seems very wise to me.

We have a daughter together so I feel I must be nice, but it's really not a huge hardship.

I hope you've achieved happiness in your life now. Thanks again for sharing.

Thanks for listening.

I hope your friend is okay.

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Feeling brave...

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Re: Feeling brave...

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