turps | Lambs Day Story: Changes

This is for

madame_d who was smart enough to appeal to my vanity when she asked me to contribute ;)

Thanks go as always to

interlock and the ladies from

thereadinggroup who took the time to offer comments and suggestions, all of which helped a lot. Also, thanks go to

digital_diva who had to listen to me stressing over this far too often. Now I expect her to read it and comment ;)

“Lance.”

Lance’s fingers tighten around his pen and the formula he’s working on is hidden under a layer of irritation at yet another interruption. He knows Justin has homework of his own but instead of working he’s spent the last hour asking meaningless questions. Fidgeting in place and tapping his pen against his teeth until all Lance wants to do is gather his books and go somewhere quieter, the hotel lobby or sidewalk maybe, anywhere but here.

“What?”

Lance hates that he sounds so annoyed but he’s tired and the last thing he wants to do is explain another problem while Justin pretends to listen. Especially when Justin’s listening is pretty perfunctory; instead he mostly stares, looking quickly away when Lance catches his eye.

“I just wanted, that is….” Justin grips his math book tightly, the pages scrunching under his fingers. “I just wanted…I’m stuck on question three, can you tell me again?” The last words come out in a rush, smashed together as he points at his book, looking anywhere but at Lance.

“I just explained that five minutes ago,” Lance says, but he gathers the last of his patience and puts down his own book so he can move to sit next to Justin on the bed. “You need to carry that number over and divide by the total, look.” Lance leans closer so he can write, his numbers small and neat against the mess of Justin’s scrawl and crossed out sums. “The five goes there and that leaves twenty-seven which should….are you listening?” He looks at Justin who seems far away, lost in his own thoughts. “Justin? If you’re not going to listen I’m going to.…”

His words are cut off with a kiss. A closed-mouth, slightly off-center, gentle kiss that’s finished almost before it starts. Justin looks shocked after, eyes wide as he looks at Lance. Then the book on his lap falls to the floor as he leans in again, kissing longer this time as he uses his tongue, tentatively touching Lance’s lips.

It feels strange at first, the slick feel and artificial taste of vanilla chapstick a reminder that this is Justin. A feeling that’s reinforced when Justin reaches for Lance and it’s like always; touches remembered from a thousand dance moves and a familiarity born of months of living close. Then that changes when Justin slides his hands under Lance’s shirt, lifting it up and exposing skin.

Lance shivers from the touch, Justin’s hands all heat, leaving a trail of pure sensation as he explores. There’s nothing remembered about this, and any strangeness is masked by the feel of Justin’s fingers and mouth. The scuffed feel of his lips against Lance’s own, the way he strokes Lance’s side in alternate short and long strokes, Justin’s fingers dancing to an internal beat.

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” Justin says softly, the words tickling across Lance’s neck as they finally break apart. “It’s okay that I did it? I mean, you’re not all grossed out or anything?” Justin frowns and lifts his hand off Lance’s arm when he doesn’t reply. “I thought you might feel the same way, you know, like me.”

Surprised, by both the kiss and Justin’s words, Lance is about to respond when someone knocks at the door. They spring apart and all Lance can think is it’s Lynn out there, because the others would have barged right in and just the thought of them catching him kissing Justin is too much.

“Where’s your mom?” Lance asks and he jumps to his feet and rubs his hand across his lips, scrubbing away the faint evidence of vanilla.

“She’s gone to dinner with Johnny, I told you that earlier. It’s probably housekeeping with the towels.” Justin looks puzzled as he stands and moves to open the door. “They’ll be gone soon, just hang on.”

“No.” The protest is too much and Lance knows it. “I mean, I’m going to get something to drink.” He steps back as Justin lets a woman into the room with an armful of towels. “I’ll get you something, candy or chips.” Then hurries out of the room without waiting for an answer while Justin stands in the doorway and watches him go.

As Lance runs down the stairs he realises that he’s still gripping his pen in his hand, so hard that it’s cracked, allowing ink to stain his palm.

~*~*~*~

Lance waits in the corridor for ten minutes exactly. It’s easy to be exact when you’re watching a second hand slowly tick, tiny movements eating up time.

He has a soda bottle jammed between his arm and side, cold with condensation that dampens his t-shirt, and his fingers ache from clutching a paper bag, candy and chips stuffed messily inside. Junk food here tastes so close to familiar but always falls just short, leaving him craving that little bit more.

Staying in with the new magazine sent from home and a bag full of snacks should be the perfect end to a long day, except all Lance can think about is Justin, and those thoughts make him want to dump the bag and soda to the floor and run. Flee through the heavy fire doors, down the stairs and never stop. Except there’s no point running when you’d just come back, and Lance would, because as much as he wants to run away he wants to stay more.

Relaxing his fingers, Lance tucks the bottle more securely under his arm and starts walking. Steps slow and deliberate, in contrast to his heart that threatens to beat its way out of his chest. Which is stupid, because it’s not like he’s going to face some kind of ordeal. All he’s doing is going back to his hotel room, and Justin.

Lance likes Justin. He’s a good friend; a neurotic overachieving annoying friend but a friend none-the-less. They share carefully hidden candy from home and sit side by side in quiet corners reading assigned schoolbooks, bonding over the injustice of being stars one minute and schoolboys the next. They sing together and work together, their friendship strengthened by age and the nights they get left behind. Lance knows how Justin chews a pen when he works on complex math and how he scowls as he gets caught in a book, the paper rustling under his fingers as he hurries to turn the page. He’s seen Justin at his worst and at his best and every emotion in-between. Lance knows Justin.

Except he hadn’t known him at all.

“Lance.” Justin has opened the door and stands watching. “Are you coming in?”

“It’s my room,” Lance says, and his fingers tighten around the bag as Justin seems to deflate, sadness bleeding past his defences as he looks at the floor then sighs.

“I didn’t…I mean I know it’s your room, it’s just…” He hesitates, searching for words as the silence echoes between them. “I’m sorry, okay?” Justin pushes past and hurries away, heading to the room he shares with his mom.

“Justin, wait!” Lance yells. He’s torn between going after Justin or leaping forward to catch the door, but that tiny hesitation means Justin is gone and the door is closed locking Lance outside. “I don’t have my key,” he says softly, and the bottle and bag fall to the floor, candy rolling over the carpet as he resists the urge to bang his head against the wall and scream.

~*~*~*~

Ten minutes later and Lance is back in his room. He drops the bag and bottle on his bed then sits down too, head in hands and feeling decades older than he had two hours before. He’s still holding Wes’ borrowed key so he throws it at the dressing table, making it slide across the smooth surface until it’s stopped by a messy pile of books and pens.

They’re Justin’s books and Lance groans as the sight of them makes his memories razor sharp. The feel of Justin’s hands and lips as they kissed tainted by his expression as he pushed past Lance to get to his own room, shoulders slumped as he walked away.

“Honey, I’m home!”

The door opens suddenly but Lance doesn’t look up when Joey comes into the room, a whirlwind of noise and movement as he takes off his jacket and throws it on his bed.

“You should have come with us, Bass. It’s no fun cruising on your own, especially when your friends only have eyes for each other.” Joey sighs theatrically, thumping down on his bed. “More for me though, I suppose.” He smiles, looking satisfied, and then, finally, takes in Lance, who hasn’t moved at all. “Oh hey, what’s up?”

Lance doesn’t reply, mainly because he has no idea what he’s supposed to say. That Justin kissed him and he liked it? That he panicked for no reason at all and ran away? The words just aren’t there. “I’m okay,” he says finally, but isn’t surprised when Joey moves so they’re sitting side by side, Joey’s arm a comforting weight across his shoulders.

“Sure you are. Now why don’t you tell your Uncle Joey what’s wrong.”

“Now that’s just creepy.” Lance jokes weakly, then he looks up at Joey. “And there’s nothing wrong, unless you count the fact that I’m an idiot.”

“Well that’s a given,” Joey says mock seriously. “You’ve always been an idiot but indulge me, why are you an idiot this time?”

“Because Justin kissed me and it was good, really good, then the maid came and I got spooked and ran. I went to buy candy, want some?” Lance grabs a handful of chocolate bars from behind him then lets them drop in his lap as he rests his head against Joey’s shoulder. “I’m a moron, Joe.”

“No you’re not.” Joey squeezes Lance hard. “At least not most of the time.” Reassurance automatic, he stares at the floor after, as if the beige carpet will tell him what to say. “Justin kissed you? I didn’t see that one coming. Not in a million years.” Voice low, he’s talking more to himself than Lance, then he shakes his head and sighs. “It had to be Justin didn’t it.” Then addresses Lance directly. “Did Justin say anything before kissing you or just do it?”

“Just did it. One minute I was explaining a math problem, the next he was kissing me.”

“And you didn’t like it?” Joey questions. “Because it’s okay if you did.”

“I know that.” Lance has to laugh at Joey’s relieved expression. “I’m not having some kind of sexual awakening freak-out; you’re about three years too late for that.” He uses an elbow to dig Joey in his side. “It was Justin, that’s all. One minute he was annoying the hell out of me and the next we were kissing and it blew my mind. We were doing homework. I hadn't thought of him like that---he's a kid.”

“Justin’s never been a kid, he was born an adult, you know that. And if we’re going for the technical angle, you’re a kid too. I can’t see the problem .” Joey looks at Lance. “If you don’t want him like that tell him, but if you do I say go for it.”

“What about Lynn?” Lance says softly. He picks up one of the chocolate bars from his lap, squishing the softened contents between his fingers as he thinks about Lynn glaring at him for laying hands on her baby.

“What about her? If I know Justin he probably told her how he felt long before now.”

“I don’t know what to do.” Lance buries his face in his hands again. He knows there’s nothing to stop him being with Justin, but things are going too fast. It seems like everything is twisting, the familiar slipping through his fingers to leave things that look the same but aren’t at all.

“Who says you have to do anything?” Joey squeezes Lance once more then stands. “You don’t have to do anything now. Sleep on it, things might look better tomorrow. Now I’m going to hit the shower then watch some tv. You up for a movie and some of those snacks you have there?”

Lance considers staying in. It’s tempting, but he knows he can’t do it, not when everything he does is shadowed by the memory of Justin’s pale face and downcast eyes.

“Another time, I need to go talk to Justin.”

“A rain check then.” Joey heads into the bathroom and smiles as Lance walks by. “Tell Justin he has great taste.”

Lance smiles in return then goes into the corridor, key securely in his pocket for later. It seems like he’s spent hours here today, so long that he imagines he can see his own footsteps, invisible evidence imprinted into the flattened grey carpet.

Justin and Lynn are two doors away, past JC and Chris' room. It's just ten quick steps until Lance stands there, hand fisted to knock. Which he does, then waits, moving from foot to foot until Lynn opens the door.

“Lance.” Lynn looks at him unsmiling and Lance wants to run, but he stays still, meeting her gaze.

“I know it’s late but I need to talk to Justin.”

“I imagine you do,” Lynn says, and she looks at him again, saying so much without words, then steps back and ushers Lance inside. “Justin’s in the bathroom. Tell him I’ll be back in ten minutes, okay?”

“You’re going?” Lance asks, and crosses his arms as he takes an involuntary step back from Justin’s mom.

“For ten minutes.” Lynn lays her hand on Lance’s arm. “Don’t look so worried. I trust you boys to do what’s right, however things work out.”

Then she’s gone, leaving Lance alone. Hearing the shower running he walks further into the room then stands still, fighting the nerves that make him want to pace between the two beds. Instead Lance sits down, then stands before sitting down again. He can’t sit still, so he starts to tidy the clothes piled on Justin’s bed, folding them into tidy piles while obsessively checking the time. One item folded for every fifteen seconds that pass.

“I would have done that.”

Face flushed, with damp skin, Justin looks wonderful and Lance longs to reach out and touch, but doesn't. He just sits with a t-shirt held in his hands as Justin walks to the bed, head held high and graceful despite the towel tightly wrapped around his waist. He grabs some clothes and smiles tightly, then goes back into the bathroom to change. Just another indication of how messed-up things have become.

While he’s gone Lance finishes folding the clothes, needing to do something as he waits. Then Justin comes back out but instead of sitting he stands against the wall, shoulders tight as he looks at Lance. A distance that creates an atmosphere so heavy it’s almost physical.

Lance looks at his watch once more, Lynn will be back in six minutes and they’re getting nowhere. He tries to think of what to say, trying out words in his mind, but none of them work. Too lame, too stupid, too everything.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” Justin finally breaks the silence. “It won’t happen again.” His eyes gleam as he stands up straight, all sharp shadows and defined lines as the harsh lighting of the room makes him seem years older than he really is.

“You’ve nothing to say sorry for. If anything it’s me that should say sorry.” Lance grips the sock he’s holding hard, worrying at the material as he tries to think what to say. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I liked it. The kissing, I mean, you’re good at it.” Lance smiles as Justin visually relaxes at his words. “I was being stupid, because. Hell, this sounds stupid but ‘cos it was you. I’d never though of you in that way. But now, I can’t think of you in any other way.”

“Damn right you should think that way,” Justin says, and the harsh lines melt away as he moves away from the wall, exposing obvious happiness as he sits next to Lance, knocking over the carefully folded clothes. “I thought I’d offended you or something. I was going to kick Chris’ ass tomorrow.”

“Why?” Lance has to ask even though he suspects it’ll be another one of those Justin&Chris things, incomprehensible to anyone but themselves.

“He said I should stop pussyfooting around and being a whiney bitch and tell you how I felt before he kicked my ass. So I did, except I decided showing you would be better, though that may have been a mistake.”

“I don’t think I’ve heard you admitting you’ve made a mistake this often before,” Lance jokes, laughing when Justin protests by grabbing a balled up sock to throw at his head. Then retaliates with a well-aimed bedazzled bandanna that hits Justin in the face. The signal for a free-for-all clothes fight that only ends when Lance finds himself holding a silky pink g-string that has to be Lynn’s.

“So we’re good?” Justin asks when he finally stops laughing.

“We’re good.” Lance agrees, and he hopes they will be, whatever happens in the future.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

See, that wasn't so bad now, was it? :) *sigh* Sweet, sweet Lambs.

Well, maybe it doesn't seem so bad now it's done ;)

Lambs will never come near my beloved trickc but they make a nice side pairing I suppose *g*

Thanks for the comment, honey.

BLEEE!

Lurve it! Baby Lamby-Lambs, with an implied side of TrickC. Wonderful.

And it worked *very* well, Terri. I think both of their actions and responses (and Joey's & Chris', even off-camera) were VERY fitting, very true to their characters and personalities as we know them. Excellent job, Luv.

Thank you!

It was like walking into the unknown doing this, because as you know lambs have never been my thing. But I'm pleased with how it turned out in the end. So I'm really happy that it worked for you.

Now I can get back to catching up on my reading. I know you've been a busy boy lately :)

I love it! Baby Lambs is my favorite Lambs, and you did a wonderful job. And

madame_d did the same thing to me when she asked me to write something. Which I swear will be finished sometime tonight. Really,

Thank you! I'm so glad that you liked it because believe me it was touch and go if I'd manage to post anything for a while.

madame_d is sneaky because without her asking I probably wouldn't have written anything *g*

I'm so looking forward to your story!

*And* you managed to fit TrickC in there, as well.

Soft and sweet and I love Lance has to *think* about it, that he hadn't thought of Justin that way before but now he can't help it. Poor angsting Lance. But it's okay and that's what counts. :D

because as much as he wants to run away he wants to stay more.

This caught my breath. Gorgeous.

who was smart enough to appeal to my vanity when she asked me to contribute ;)

Heh. More like selfish enough to want lots of fic for the day but I'll take the compliment the way it was meant. ;)

}:)

I had to get one tiny mention of trickc in, just small though as the story was totally in honour of the lambs :)

I'm so glad you liked the story, it was kicking my ass for a long time so I'm really relieved that it worked for people.

Heh. More like selfish enough to want lots of fic for the day but I'll take the compliment the way it was meant. ;)

Selfish or smart, it worked and that's all that mattered really ;)

Thank you!

That was a great story Terri, I really enjoyed reading it.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it, thank you so much for telling me :)

Oh, just adorable.

“Damn right you should think that way,”

That Justin, he recovers fast!

Thank you!

He sure does recover fast *g* I was wondering if it was too fast for a while but decided Justin was all about confidence, so hopefully it worked for him.

Oh sweetie, that was just lovely. I love me some angsty baby lambs. Your characterizations of Chris are always so right on and I could totally see him making those jibes at Justin. haha

And your reference of Justin being born an adult made me howl. An overgrown manchild. *g*

I'm so glad you enjoyed it :)

I'm really pleased you think my Chris chracterisations are good, that's a huge compliment. I could totally imagine him saying that stuff to Justin *g*

Justin is totally an overgrown manchild. He was probably plotting his future before he could walk ;)

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment.

especially when your friends only have eyes for each other

You couldn't just leave it out, could you? :)

But overall it is a very sweet Lambs story, I liked Justin's (and Lance's) insecurities and the way they dealt with it. I can so imagine Lance standing dumbly in the corridor for ten minutes, and Joey was so good as the supportive friend!

You couldn't just leave it out, could you? :)

I know, I'm bad ;)

I'm so glad you enjoyed the story. Thanks for taking the time to tell me so.

Aw, wooby little lambs. Makes me want to pinch their cheeks .... on their face!

Ahahahaha. I totally believe it's their face cheeks you want to pinch ;)

Thank you for the comment :)

aww, sweet baby lambs. Excellent Terri!

I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

Thank you :)

:::applauds:::

Very nice! I like the added little touches. Thanks for posting it. :-)

Thank you!

I still wish I could have done more with it but sometimes you just have to accept time isn't your friend and let things go.

Thank you for all your help :)

Heh, cool! I love me some baby!lambs and I enjoyed reading this :-) .
Thanks for writing and sharing it!

I'm glad that you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for telling me!

That's really cute and nice. Hee. I love baby!lambs.

Thank you!

I'm so glad that you enjoyed it :)

*happysigh* this is so good! i love the dynamic between them here, and the pov is perfect, and the sweet side-serving of bestfriends!jola, and lynn is just right, too, and oh, man, i'm totally jealous that i didn't write it myself! *blushes*

Thank you!

Your comments made me blush too, especially as I was so worried writing this.

I'm so glad it worked for you!

I really appreciate you taking the time to comment.

Beautifully written and full of the wonderful awkward moments, of wanting and not knowing, between two youths. Joey is lovely as the comforting friend we all know he is. Thanks for sharing. ;)

Thank you so much!

I'm really glad you enjoyed this and that it worked because it was touch and go for a while.

How are you doing? And your writing?

Lambs Day Story: Changes

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