We are the kids from yesterday
Apr. 22nd, 2016 08:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
turpsIt's been an exciting, and rather nail biting, few days.
Starting from the smallest to the biggest.
I may be going swimming soon. We checked out a pool in a local hotel and it's nicely private, has good disabled changing facilities and I can get in free on a day pass as James' carer. Now I just need to get a bathing costume, bash back my nerves and just go.
We bought a new couch. It's the most money I've ever spent on furniture before, by a long way. I was sent an advance on some of dad's money, so we've been looking for a new couch for a while. But, as I knew we'd be spending a lot it had to be perfect for our needs. We struck lucky in a Harvey's outlet store. The kind where you get what you get in terms of what's on the floor when you go that day. When we went in there was a big, soft, curved couch with electric recliners at each end. James can't work manual recliners, so we always needed an electric option, and I think they'll be good for the future. It's getting delivered on Wednesday, and I still can't believe it's happening.
Talking of. I'm officially getting married June 1st. We arranged that in the last few days, too.
I know most people will think we already were, simply because we've always said that. We've been together 24 years, have lived together for 22 of those. Have a son together, have bought a house together, as far as we were concerned we were married. Though actually saying so started back when Corey was in nursery and there were remarks made about James having no parental rights as we weren't officially married. So from that point as far as non-official people were concerned, we were.
Honestly, it's been me holding out for the official part all this time. I hate the idea of being the centre of attention and every single big thing in my life mam has caused fuss and drama -- there's a chance she'll do so this time but after she wouldn't go to dad's funeral I've just thought, fuck it, she can do what she wants. So until a few days ago I was determined to just go get married with only Corey and another witness there to see. But, nanna kept saying she wanted to see me settled and while he was going along with my wishes, I know James wanted his family to be there. So, it's going to be immediate family only at the registry office then off for a meal afterwards at a beach front restaurant.
I still don't think it's necessary to be officially married to have a solid relationship that means loads. I won't love James any more or less after I've signed a piece of paper. But what I have found out due to dad and Pauline's situation is that legally, that piece of paper is vitally important.
So I'll be wearing that dress I linked to a few weeks back. Will need to get something flowery to put in my hair and the music is going to be Kids From Yesterday. Vows taken, rings exchanged, photos taken on phones at the beach and then a good feed. Low key and just right, I hope.
Starting from the smallest to the biggest.
I may be going swimming soon. We checked out a pool in a local hotel and it's nicely private, has good disabled changing facilities and I can get in free on a day pass as James' carer. Now I just need to get a bathing costume, bash back my nerves and just go.
We bought a new couch. It's the most money I've ever spent on furniture before, by a long way. I was sent an advance on some of dad's money, so we've been looking for a new couch for a while. But, as I knew we'd be spending a lot it had to be perfect for our needs. We struck lucky in a Harvey's outlet store. The kind where you get what you get in terms of what's on the floor when you go that day. When we went in there was a big, soft, curved couch with electric recliners at each end. James can't work manual recliners, so we always needed an electric option, and I think they'll be good for the future. It's getting delivered on Wednesday, and I still can't believe it's happening.
Talking of. I'm officially getting married June 1st. We arranged that in the last few days, too.
I know most people will think we already were, simply because we've always said that. We've been together 24 years, have lived together for 22 of those. Have a son together, have bought a house together, as far as we were concerned we were married. Though actually saying so started back when Corey was in nursery and there were remarks made about James having no parental rights as we weren't officially married. So from that point as far as non-official people were concerned, we were.
Honestly, it's been me holding out for the official part all this time. I hate the idea of being the centre of attention and every single big thing in my life mam has caused fuss and drama -- there's a chance she'll do so this time but after she wouldn't go to dad's funeral I've just thought, fuck it, she can do what she wants. So until a few days ago I was determined to just go get married with only Corey and another witness there to see. But, nanna kept saying she wanted to see me settled and while he was going along with my wishes, I know James wanted his family to be there. So, it's going to be immediate family only at the registry office then off for a meal afterwards at a beach front restaurant.
I still don't think it's necessary to be officially married to have a solid relationship that means loads. I won't love James any more or less after I've signed a piece of paper. But what I have found out due to dad and Pauline's situation is that legally, that piece of paper is vitally important.
So I'll be wearing that dress I linked to a few weeks back. Will need to get something flowery to put in my hair and the music is going to be Kids From Yesterday. Vows taken, rings exchanged, photos taken on phones at the beach and then a good feed. Low key and just right, I hope.
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Date: 2016-04-22 12:11 pm (UTC)Exciting and happy news, both. My brother has a couch with the automatic recliners. They are very nice.
And I totally thought you were married! But I agree, the piece of paper is important for legal reasons, not relationship reasons. Good luck with the ceremony. You'll look lovely in your dress. ♥
ANd good luck swimming! I finally bought a swimsuit too.
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Date: 2016-04-22 12:20 pm (UTC)The automatic recliners are fantastic, and as this couch will have to last a very long time, I think they're a good investement for the future. James is counting down the days until he can recline, legs up watching TV *g*
Most people did, and like I said, we've always thought of ourselves that way, just without the piece of paper.
Hopefully things will go well. I highly suspect mam is going to go in a mood and cause issues, but it's not going to be like the funeral when I kept asking her to go. If she doesn't want to go that's her issue, both Pauline and the MiL are excited and keep asking about plans, if mam doesn't care that's her look out.
I'm so nervous about swimming. Not the actual swimming bit but getting out again. I had a good look at the ladders when we were there and things should be okay, but I'll still be nervous until that first successful exit.
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Date: 2016-04-22 01:35 pm (UTC)Also, swimming is excellent, I'm glad you've already scoped out the pool because recon. is very important when it comes to pools(one wouldn't think that, but it is)
DUDE, congrats. *throws glitter confetti* You're going to look SUPER LOVELY in your dress.
For a slip of paper, a marriage certificate, is surprisingly important when it comes to legal things. Though, you are right that besides legal stuff, it doesn't change anything.
(also, I realized..IDK that I ever thought you guys were married or not..I just always thought DEEPLY COMMITTED COUPLE WHO <3 EACH OTHER A LOT...maybe I assumed..*shrugs*)
But still, CONGRATULATIONS(officially) to you and james.
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Date: 2016-04-22 01:55 pm (UTC)I agree, recon is very important. The man showing us around was great and while I do have my own fears at climbing out of pool ladders for James it's an actual concrete concern. But the ladders are the kind that stick out a lot and weren't recessed in the wall, so fingers crossed it'll work. Plus, the changing rooms are literally steps away from pool side.
Thank you!
And thank you for saying such a lovely thing. We do love each other loads and I don't know if we'd ever have got around to actually getting legally married if it wasn't for what happened with Pauline and dad. But as it did, it's best to be covered.
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Date: 2016-04-22 08:45 pm (UTC)And congratulations to the new couch. I hope it will give you a comfy place to sit for many, many years!
I've never thought about it but if I had I would probably have thought you were married. People who have kids usually. Just because of how important that piece of paper is when it comes to things like insurances and inheritances and stuff.
Your upcoming ceremony sounds lovely. I hope everything will work out just the way you want it too!
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Date: 2016-04-24 02:25 pm (UTC)The couch better be comfy for many, many years, because we won't be able to replace it any time soon!
Yeah, it's only recently we've found out just how important that piece of paper actually is. It never seemed that way before, but after what happened to Pauline it wasn't worth taking a chance.
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Date: 2016-04-22 11:56 pm (UTC)There are so many legal hoops via documentation that unmarried couples have to jump through (with, as you saw in the situation with Pauline and your dad, not always a smooth sailing)!
FWIW, I've gotten into the habit of not assuming anyone's married to anyone else unless they explicitly tell me. Taking the legal aspects to the side, what matters most is that the people in the marriage love and respect one another. It's fairly obvious (even from my corner of the world) that you and James are a very lovely couple. ^_^
Oooh, and going swimming will be so much fun! Just you wait and see. :D!
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Date: 2016-04-24 02:03 pm (UTC)There are so many legal hoops via documentation that unmarried couples have to jump through (with, as you saw in the situation with Pauline and your dad, not always a smooth sailing)!
Too right. Until Pauline's situation I thought common law relationship rights applied here, but it seems not.
And thank you for what you said about me and James. I do love him loads, we've gone through a lot of ups and downs in our time and he's the person I trust to have my back always. Having another ring on my finger won't make any difference to my feelings at all.
I'm off to get a swimming costume tomorrow and plan is to go swimming asap after that. I'm sure it'll be fantastic, I just need to get past my first time nerves.
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Date: 2016-04-23 04:10 am (UTC)I totally get why you felt it wasn't necessary to be married before now. The only reason I got married after 10 years of partnership was mostly because R. and R.'s family care about that stuff a little more than I do. My parents have been commited to each other for over 25 years now without getting married.
Aaaanyway I hope it'll be a nice wedding, just as you envision it.
&&& I hope you'll have fun going swimming!
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Date: 2016-04-24 11:25 am (UTC)That is so fantastic about your parents. I'm like you, I considered us committed even with the official paper, but sadly it turns out that here the legal side matters loads after death. Which hopefully will be a long time in the future for us both.
Thank you!
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Date: 2016-04-23 07:05 am (UTC)*throws confetti*
You know, North Wales would be a delightful place for a honeymoon, starting on, oh, say, 10th June. Just saying. ;-)
Also, reclinable couches are the best. Have good loafing.
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Date: 2016-04-24 11:23 am (UTC)Yes. Yes it would.
I'm looking forward to loafing, though not the getting the old couches out part.
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Date: 2016-04-23 09:44 am (UTC)Concerning the swimming pool, a while ago I read something by a fat activist, which went like that you have to turn off everyone's stares and just enjoy the pool. You're there to get some exercise and that's good for you and all the other people (many of whom will also not be thin) who stare can just go and fuck themselves. :) For what it's worth, the first time is the hardest--you'll find that most likely nobody will make a comment or snicker behind your back or any of the other bad things you're imagining. And even then you still have James as your backup. :)
But yay swimming! <3
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Date: 2016-04-24 09:52 am (UTC)That's good advice from that fat activist. I have to admit, the reason I've checked out the pool in the hotel is due to it being quieter than the nearest public pool. But hopefully once I get that first visit over with I'll feel much more confident.
And because I'm terrible at answering comments in a timely manner at the moment. Thank you loads for what you said in my last post about being afraid about putting weight back on. Your practical question about what I could do if my knee went and how to prevent that is what prompted me to look back into swimming.
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Date: 2016-04-26 05:49 am (UTC)<333
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Date: 2016-04-23 03:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-04-24 08:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-04-23 06:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-04-24 08:03 am (UTC)I hope I do too. It's been a very long time since I've been in a pool.
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Date: 2016-04-23 07:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-04-24 08:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-04-24 12:03 pm (UTC)Awesome, swimming ftw - a hotel pool is such a good idea, they're quite under-utilised and usually lower in chlorine as well which is nicer. It might also be possible for you to wear a robe in and out of the changing room, and leave it at the side, which makes the wearing-a-cossie thing a bit less intimidating until you're used to it?
Will you be sharing piccies of the new couch? It sounds splendid - comfy and a good fit for your needs.
And CONGRATULATIONS - the dress is lovely and it's just a nice day to celebrate you and James that means you won't have unforseen issues in the future. I'm pleased that you are planning a nice day, you and James deserve a little celebrating :)
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Date: 2016-04-26 09:33 am (UTC)The hotel pool we're going to is tucked away close to the Asda we use, so I've often looked at it as we drive past. I'm glad we decided to check it out as it was much quieter than local public pools. Though the public pool that's closest to us is Olympic sized and tends to be for serious swimming only, plus, is overlooked on two sided by bleachers as competitions are held there, and that's something I really couldn't deal with yet.
I do like the idea of wearing a robe, and have an older one that would be perfect for that. I bet I could leave it on one of the loungers that surround the pool, too. Thanks for the idea.
I will totally share some pictures. Tonight my brother is coming to help put the old couch in the garage, so we'll be sitting on cushions tonight. But it can't be helped. I'm just wishing it was this time tomorrow so I can be passed the minor worry that the couch we picked really is perfect for us. It felt that way in the shop and was exactly what we were looking for, but until it's here that little bit of worry still remains.
Thank you! Things are coming together nicely now, though mam still can't understand why I don't want a hen night. But just, no!
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Date: 2016-04-24 06:10 pm (UTC)You and James seem like such a solid couple, married or not. But it's good to get that on paper if it means you can worry less about the what ifs. You'll have a fabulous dress to wear, and a meal at a beach front restaurant sounds like the perfect way to celebrate. I hope everything goes smoothly!
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Date: 2016-04-26 09:35 am (UTC)Yeah, it's the what ifs that are a worry. I like to think we are a solid couple, and I certainly love him loads, married or not. But dad and Pauline's situation showed you have to be careful.
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Date: 2016-04-25 06:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-04-26 08:35 am (UTC)Thank you!
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Date: 2016-04-25 09:22 pm (UTC)Photos at the beach sounds like just your style! :D I hope you share one or two!
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Date: 2016-04-26 08:44 am (UTC)I'm sure I'll be sharing some photos. You won't get off that easily *g*
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Date: 2016-04-27 09:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-04-30 11:21 am (UTC)