(no subject)

I think my post Christmas laziness session has gone on too far when my son's little friend is heard to ask 'why is your house so messy?' Okay, so there's still presents in the hall in black sacks brought from my mam's house. Dirty washing spilling onto the kitchen floor, pizza boxes on the couch, and the floor hasn't seen a hoover in a while...but still! My desks clear, I've put up my new pictures of Victor/Brennan, isn't that enough for these people?

Looking round...I can see it's a bit messy...sigh, I suppose the least I can do is set the dish washer going.

You think you know people

Just remembered that I wanted to write about something, that puzzled me at the time.

My sister and her friend had stayed the evening, I was working on the computer and didn't think about stopping. They're at mine so often that they're certainly not treated as guests. They both know that I read slash, not that we've sat and talked about it but they've used my computer enough to know what I read and look at. We even joke about me reading porn.

I was mailing one of my friends who's been ill and she wanted a story to cheer her up. Kayleigh wanted to know what I was talking about. She can't understand how I can mail people every day and find things to say. So I told her that my friend wanted a story but I wasn't going to write with them there. That's when the insanity started. They were both shocked that I actually wrote, and not just wrote normal stuff but porn! I sat and could hear Leeanne saying ' people who write stuff like that must have something deficient in their sex lives' and 'they must be lesbians' Okay, I sat and was astounded at that. These are people who know me *extremely* well, not some troll off the net. They know I'm not a lesbian and I'm extremely happy with James, my sex life is certainly not lacking ( if that's tmi sorry )

I just don't get it. Why the hell would the fact that I love to read/write/think about two hot guys getting it on make me a lesbian? It's not a big deal at all. For fucks sake James doesn't care that I write this stuff, why should anyone else get bent out of shape about it?

I'm glad that I'm totally comfortable with what I do. I'd hate to think what attitudes like this do to people who aren't. See I thought if anyone would understand what I love it would be my sister. But no, it's not to be.

Looking back I lol. Maybe a 'I can't believe it' kinda laugh, but a laugh all the same.

(no subject)

You know sometimes I really hate my mam. I don't know if I've mentioned in this LJ but she has an alcohol problem. She's one of the nicest women that you could know, but when she goes out she gets so drunk, then comes home and is verbally abusive to anyone that gets in her way. She's smashed the kitchen up so many times, calls me sobbing about what a bitch my sister is ( Kayleigh is 17 )calls me and James names. But the next day it's forgotten, never mentioned again.

James has just been talking to my mother in law. At the beginning of this month my niece was christened. My mam was invited even though she doesn't get on with my in laws. Needless to say she got plastered and made a scene, sitting on my sister in laws partners brothers lap ( wow that was a complicated description)faking sex noises, screeching and being a dick. What I've just found out now is she also spent the afternoon being really nasty about me and James to one of my mother-in-laws friends. This is my mam we're talking about, the woman that's supposed to love me above all others, yet she sat for hours calling me names. It makes me wonder why I put up with it. I love her so much but I also hate her. I've seen her drive my family to tears so many times. I've held my sister in my arms as she's cried and screamed in the streets as my mam calls her a whore from inside. I've held my brother, who younger than me but so big and strong because she took tablets after rowing with him. That was when I was 18 and he was 16. It was a bad time then, I remember having to scrub the bath because it was covered in blood where she'd tried to cut her wrists. That was the night before my A-Levels.

God, that makes it 10 years this has gone on, longer really as she did it when I was younger too. Now I'm just upset, as my mother in law was crying about what she's said about me. But the stupid thing is I'm not upset with what she said, I'm upset because Joyce is. See I'm pretty much numb to what my mam does in drink now, and that's sad.

I'm staying in tonight because i hate pubs and drinking so much, and you know why that is? Because I've seen how she destroyed our lives and god knows I'll *never* do that to my son.