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Dec. 31st, 2002 07:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
turpsYou know sometimes I really hate my mam. I don't know if I've mentioned in this LJ but she has an alcohol problem. She's one of the nicest women that you could know, but when she goes out she gets so drunk, then comes home and is verbally abusive to anyone that gets in her way. She's smashed the kitchen up so many times, calls me sobbing about what a bitch my sister is ( Kayleigh is 17 )calls me and James names. But the next day it's forgotten, never mentioned again.
James has just been talking to my mother in law. At the beginning of this month my niece was christened. My mam was invited even though she doesn't get on with my in laws. Needless to say she got plastered and made a scene, sitting on my sister in laws partners brothers lap ( wow that was a complicated description)faking sex noises, screeching and being a dick. What I've just found out now is she also spent the afternoon being really nasty about me and James to one of my mother-in-laws friends. This is my mam we're talking about, the woman that's supposed to love me above all others, yet she sat for hours calling me names. It makes me wonder why I put up with it. I love her so much but I also hate her. I've seen her drive my family to tears so many times. I've held my sister in my arms as she's cried and screamed in the streets as my mam calls her a whore from inside. I've held my brother, who younger than me but so big and strong because she took tablets after rowing with him. That was when I was 18 and he was 16. It was a bad time then, I remember having to scrub the bath because it was covered in blood where she'd tried to cut her wrists. That was the night before my A-Levels.
God, that makes it 10 years this has gone on, longer really as she did it when I was younger too. Now I'm just upset, as my mother in law was crying about what she's said about me. But the stupid thing is I'm not upset with what she said, I'm upset because Joyce is. See I'm pretty much numb to what my mam does in drink now, and that's sad.
I'm staying in tonight because i hate pubs and drinking so much, and you know why that is? Because I've seen how she destroyed our lives and god knows I'll *never* do that to my son.
James has just been talking to my mother in law. At the beginning of this month my niece was christened. My mam was invited even though she doesn't get on with my in laws. Needless to say she got plastered and made a scene, sitting on my sister in laws partners brothers lap ( wow that was a complicated description)faking sex noises, screeching and being a dick. What I've just found out now is she also spent the afternoon being really nasty about me and James to one of my mother-in-laws friends. This is my mam we're talking about, the woman that's supposed to love me above all others, yet she sat for hours calling me names. It makes me wonder why I put up with it. I love her so much but I also hate her. I've seen her drive my family to tears so many times. I've held my sister in my arms as she's cried and screamed in the streets as my mam calls her a whore from inside. I've held my brother, who younger than me but so big and strong because she took tablets after rowing with him. That was when I was 18 and he was 16. It was a bad time then, I remember having to scrub the bath because it was covered in blood where she'd tried to cut her wrists. That was the night before my A-Levels.
God, that makes it 10 years this has gone on, longer really as she did it when I was younger too. Now I'm just upset, as my mother in law was crying about what she's said about me. But the stupid thing is I'm not upset with what she said, I'm upset because Joyce is. See I'm pretty much numb to what my mam does in drink now, and that's sad.
I'm staying in tonight because i hate pubs and drinking so much, and you know why that is? Because I've seen how she destroyed our lives and god knows I'll *never* do that to my son.
