turps: (Nsync (couchrules))
[personal profile] turps
Last week [livejournal.com profile] bayouskye issued a challenge based on interests which had to be completed within days. This is what she gave me.

Justin wakes up "blue". Chris is serious all the time. JC has no hair... anywhere. Joey is constantly in a bad mood. Lance gets rhythm. Crackfic

She hates me. But I've done it, and it's behind



Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there lived five men. Now these men were friends and they loved one another – in many ways. They lived together, sang together, travelled together. As close as five people could be.

Mostly these men existed in a state of harmony, but not always. Oh no dear reader, sometimes things would go badly wrong. Our tale describes one such day, a day of disruption, harmony smashed five different ways.

It started with Justin. Like many boys his age, Justin had, shall we say, minor faults. Used to getting his own way, he’d pout when denied. Usually this pout was used to no avail, and in fact, often became trapped between the thumb and finger of his friends.

Young Justin would scowl at those times, stomp away to practice emo tears as he lamented about how hard his life could be. These sessions usually lasted only minutes, for Justin wasn’t naturally a sulky child. No, usually he was sunshine itself, romping happily at work and play.

Sadly on this day an unearthly energy was watching. Observing with mean eyes and a blackened heart. He saw young Justin fling himself on his bed, muttering to himself how he was blue.

Oh dear reader. How Justin regretted those words.




A great shriek rang through the house. Shocked, the others ran to Justin’s aid, all except JC who had problems of his own. A cheerful man, he approached life with a heart of love. However, like everyone in this world, he had his faults. Truth be told, they were minor, but the watching energy was an ugly beast, in both mind and corporal form, and he hated vanity most of all.

Which resulted in poor JC finding himself quite hairless. Not one hair remained on his body, and his mouth opened in a silent scream. Naked, he stumbled to his dresser, hair products of all kinds tumbling to the floor as he ran his hands across smooth legs, his head, his groin.

Poor JC. Pulling a sheet over his head, draping it carefully around his body, he fled for the door.



You may wonder who he sought. The fact is dear readers; he needed Chris, for in JC’s mind, Chris could solve any problem. But nothing in life is that simple, of that we now know.

The fact is Chris had problems of his own. A gay type of man, full of mischief and fun, he had ran when he heard the scream, then stood bent double with laughter on seeing the unfortunate Justin’s state. It was a reflex action, for Justin was blue, and Chris wiped tears from his eyes even as he plotted what to do. For he loved young Justin, and could never wish him permanent harm.

However, the watching being saw none of this, saw only the laughter, and such amusement wouldn’t do at all.

In that moment Chris changed, and oh, what a disastrous change it was! His eyes lost their sparkle, his mouth smiled no more as he pushed Justin toward the shower. The scene was terrible to behold. Justin shivering under the spray as Chris explained at length how being blue wouldn’t do.

What he wanted was gather Justin in his arms, gently mock his tinted skin and as a group decide what to do. Instead he was mired in figures, problems marching through his head, cold as he felt his laughter, his happiness drain away.

Alas, it would only get worse. For JC came seeking comfort, fleeing when Chris offered advice about wigs, his arms aching to hug all the while.




I ask you to think of that house gentle reader. Justin crying in the shower, Chris bereft of laughter, and our poor traumatised JC. The being cackled with glee at the trouble it had caused, and it hadn’t finished there. Oh no. There remained two men, and alas, Joey was next on its list.

Joey lived to smile. He loved to gather people in his manly arms and swing them around. Cooking was a joy and he spent hours talking each day. He was everybody’s friend, and was loved by many. All fine qualities you’d say? Sadly, the being didn’t agree, and Joey was changed, a great anger engulfing his body.

Roaring his ire, he smashed mugs to the floor, kicked at the bathroom door as Justin cowered and Chris attempted to calm the raging Joey down. But sensible words about unwarranted anger fell on deaf ears, and Joey continued to stamp and sneer, his mouth twisted into a snarl.

Inside Joey was his usual gentle self, trapped within a raging body, horrified as he pushed Chris to one side and snatched the blanket from JC. Memories full of surprised expressions and hidden fear, Joey fled to the garden, kicking out his frustration on an innocent tree.



Which leaves only one man, and you may think the being had him pinned under his beady gaze. Oh gentle reader, you’d be wrong, for there’s a twist in this tale.

Wandering the house Lance nodded approval to the chaos that surrounded him, for all along this had been his plan. You see, Lance wanted rhythm, and had achieved that in the most villainous of ways. He bade the being goodbye with a cheery wave, then gathered up the others.

His friends around him, Lance preened, showing off his rhythm in his own special way. He didn’t dance, oh no, what he wanted was enough to make this innocent narrator blush.

He wanted JC on the floor, in touching distance for Lance loved the feel of smooth skin. He wanted Chris on his knees, still for once as Lance took him from behind. While in turn Joey used his anger to thrust hard, making a most satisfactory chain.

What’s that you ask? What about Justin? Well, Lance though he’d look funny blue is all.



And that dear readers is the end of this most unfortunate tale.

Date: 2006-06-27 01:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] trumpeterofdoom.livejournal.com
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Date: 2006-06-27 01:08 pm (UTC)
ext_1650: (chris purple.)
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
Are you laughing at my cracktastic story?! Do you know how long I spent writing that!? ;)

Date: 2006-06-27 01:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] msktrnanny.livejournal.com
Any chance you're around and have a sec to look over mine? It's not quite done, but I'm just looking for a hey it isn't horrible! lol

Date: 2006-06-27 01:49 pm (UTC)
ext_1650: (Merlin is ded - ( bowie28))
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
I am. Feel free to send it my way :)

Date: 2006-06-27 01:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] msktrnanny.livejournal.com
You rock! Coming your way in a few.

Date: 2006-06-27 01:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] clear-my-eyes.livejournal.com
LMAO! You're a genius (although the pic of JC with no hair is quite scary!). You should definitely write more cracktastic fic.

Date: 2006-06-27 01:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] withdiamonds.livejournal.com
You are insane, but in a very, very good way. This is fabulous, and the pictures make it more so.

this innocent narrator

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, cough, that's the best part.

Date: 2006-06-27 02:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] raynedanser.livejournal.com
OMG! I'd be laughing if I didn't think it would hurt so much. . . ;-)

I guess mine needs to be done now. *sigh*

Date: 2006-06-27 02:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] msktrnanny.livejournal.com
Sent! You're the bestest!

Date: 2006-06-27 02:35 pm (UTC)
ext_312: Desolation Row!Gerard (Default)
From: [identity profile] turloughishere.livejournal.com
You're evil!!!! Making poor Lance the villain *pouts* And serious!Chris and angry!Joey is wrong, and bald!JC is scary but blue!Justin cracks me up :-) And [livejournal.com profile] bayouskye is evil too for making you write this!

Date: 2006-06-27 02:37 pm (UTC)
ext_1650: (jc)
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
Thank you!

although the pic of JC with no hair is quite scary!

OMG! Isn't it!? He looks like some kind of creature that'll come sliding up the side of your bed. *shudders*

As for writing more crackfic. I'm three stories into writing for [livejournal.com profile] wtf27. 27 crackfics. I must be insane!

Date: 2006-06-27 02:40 pm (UTC)
ext_1650: (You make me happy)
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
I agree, Bayou is totally evil! I joined her challenge in all innocence and was landed with this!

But Lance wasn't really a villain, he just wanted sexin up in his own special way. I'm sure they'll go back. Though maybe Justin should stay blue ;)

Date: 2006-06-27 02:40 pm (UTC)
ext_1650: (Default)
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
Got it!

I'll get it back to you asap.

Date: 2006-06-27 02:47 pm (UTC)
ext_1650: (sun)
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
Hee, I'm glad you liked. I had fun writing this, and messing with pictures, though it seems it's impossible to find a really angry Joey picture.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, cough, that's the best part.

But, I am innocent! *g*

Date: 2006-06-27 02:48 pm (UTC)
ext_1650: (arghhh)
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
It's okay, I'm imagine the laughing *g*

I'm sure you'll get an extra time and get it done. I have faith.

Date: 2006-06-27 02:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] raynedanser.livejournal.com
I'm doing some now while I can still sit here and then hopefully later, too. Little bits at a time?

Date: 2006-06-27 03:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bayouskye.livejournal.com
*wants to sex you all over the place*

You are so much of the rocking the crackfic AWESOME! I knew you'd write me something fantabulous!

*snogs repeatedly*

Date: 2006-06-27 04:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] justinsgayhero.livejournal.com
*Lmao* at Jc, I think Justin would have made a good Orion Slave girl myself*laughs*.

Date: 2006-06-27 04:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] misled.livejournal.com
LOL!!!! *rolls* That was GREAT!

Date: 2006-06-27 04:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rockerbabyz.livejournal.com
Oh...my...gawd.


*Dies laughing*

Date: 2006-06-27 05:03 pm (UTC)
pensnest: bright-eyed baby me (NSYNC four dorks and Lance)
From: [personal profile] pensnest
Oh ma Lawd... The illustrations are particularly appreciated!

and Justin should stay blue

Date: 2006-06-27 07:02 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Oh my, I always knew Lance had a devious mind. This just proves it. Loved it, and giggled all the way through. *grin*

Date: 2006-06-27 07:02 pm (UTC)
ext_8630: guh, ink + skin = ded (Default)
From: [identity profile] bellamyrose.livejournal.com
That was me above.

Date: 2006-06-27 09:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hegemony.livejournal.com
*on the floor*

I think this might be one of those stories that corey would NOT want to mention to his friends. That said, BWAH! The crack, she is STRONG.

Date: 2006-06-27 09:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vaudevilles.livejournal.com
Oh god. Things that should never happen! *comforts traumatised self with pretty JC*

Although Justin looks pretty good blue and I'm sure nobody minded Lance's... um... issue... At all. *g*

Date: 2006-06-27 10:20 pm (UTC)
rikes: Lance, Justin and Chris (Flying ducks)
From: [personal profile] rikes
Poor boys! What a mess. ;)

Date: 2006-06-27 10:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ephemera-pop.livejournal.com
I'm afraid - very afraid. Your illustrations are ..... impressive. That's a word. Impressive.

Date: 2006-06-28 12:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] msktrnanny.livejournal.com
You are a very sick person. Your mind is warped and twisted in so many ways. Ways I only wish I could achive. Fabulous stuff! Great way to answer her challenge!! Your JC picture scares the bejeesus out of me, though.

Date: 2006-06-28 07:02 am (UTC)
ext_1650: (Pete By <lj user="marauder_bex"> at <lj)
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
Woo! I'm getting some action today!

Hee, I'm glad you liked it. This was a wonderful challenge, so much fun :)

Thanks for setting it up.

Date: 2006-06-28 07:03 am (UTC)
ext_1650: (smug Justin (rikes))
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
Dude, I'm not sure what an Orion Slave girl is, but I like the sound of it ;)

Date: 2006-06-28 07:03 am (UTC)
ext_1650: (Pete By <lj user="marauder_bex"> at <lj)
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
Hee. Thank you!

Date: 2006-06-28 07:04 am (UTC)
ext_1650: (chris purple.)
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
Ahahahaha,

No, no dying! I'd miss you!

Date: 2006-06-28 07:05 am (UTC)
ext_1650: (Dean (bayouskye))
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
I have too much fun with badly made photoshop manips. Someone needs to take my programme away *g*

He should!

Date: 2006-06-28 07:06 am (UTC)
ext_1650: (Default)
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
A name with the comment is cool :)

Date: 2006-06-28 07:07 am (UTC)
ext_1650: (You make me happy)
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
He really does! Summoning unearthly beings just so he can get some to his specific way. Bad Lance *g*

Date: 2006-06-28 07:08 am (UTC)
ext_1650: (chris purple.)
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
Lol. I suspect you're right. *hides the story*

Date: 2006-06-28 07:10 am (UTC)
ext_1650: (nsync10 (_upallnight))
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
JC is horrible bald. I was pretty traumatised myself!

Ahahahaha, yes, you're right. I'm sure nobody minded at all, and yes, Justin did rock the blue look.

Date: 2006-06-28 07:10 am (UTC)
ext_1650: (Nsync ( musiquedevie))
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
Isn't it!? *pets them*

Date: 2006-06-28 07:11 am (UTC)
ext_1650: (chris purple.)
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
Hee, aren't you glad I didn't ask you to beta?

Date: 2006-06-28 07:13 am (UTC)
ext_1650: (pete close up equanimousicons)
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
Why thank you. I'll take that as a compliment :D

Man, I freaked when I saw what she's given me, and really, the only way to go was utter crack.

I agree about the JC pic. He looks horrible!

Date: 2006-06-28 07:15 am (UTC)
ext_1650: (trickyfish2)
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
Little bits will get you there, yes.

How's things today? Better I hope.

Date: 2006-06-28 01:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] raynedanser.livejournal.com
As a rule, big bits are better than little bits, but I'll take what I can get. ;-)

Today is a wee bit better. Thanks for asking, hon.

Date: 2006-06-28 10:40 pm (UTC)
adelate: Min Yoongi with his eyes closed on an orangey yellow background about to take a sip out of a yellow Teema coffee mug (JC - ahaha)
From: [personal profile] adelate
AHHAHAHAHAHA! Oh my god. I'm utterly terrified by that last picture.





(He heh! Terri-fied. [flees])

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