turps: (imagination (wizzicons))
[personal profile] turps
I got my bandomstuffsit assignment and am very happy about it. It's full of tropes, pairings and kinks that I love and my only problem now is narrowing down just what I want to write. I do have a vague idea though, now I just need to see if it turns into an actual story.

Not bandom related, this tumblr was linked on twitter yesterday and it's amazing. It's dedicated to scarring/funny/wtf?! lines from sex scenes in fic and I spent a long time reading and boggling at many of the submissions.

Like this one. Her sheath, her portal, her womanly gifts. The fuck?

Not that I haven't written some terrible sex scenes before, and no doubt will in the future. On one memorable occasion I was told in beta notes that snot has no place in a sex scene, though I must point out it wasn't being used as lube or anything, just someone had a cold at the time.

As soon as I saw the tumblr I knew someone had to submit the Lava Lamp story, except, picking what line to include would be impossible as the whole thing is insane.

For those not in the know the lava lamp story is infamous in popslash fandom. Full of purple prose and horrendous scarring mental images, it ends with Chris Kirkpatrick being fucked by a lava lamp, and not a miniature one either. The story has been read aloud at many a popslash gathering, also reinacted with props and has been the cause of many tears of laughter and aching ribs. It also spawned many stories and made Lamp an actual character to many people in the fandom.

So you know, if you want to read, or want to re-read. the Lava Lamp story. Do it! You don't need to know the fandom to enjoy a story about turgid meat.

Date: 2011-10-22 11:16 am (UTC)
pensnest: Bassez/Timbertone/Cramp (Love comes in many guises)
From: [personal profile] pensnest
*shakes head sadly*

All those poor people—scarred. Scarred!

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Date: 2011-10-22 11:19 am (UTC)
sperrywink: (Default)
From: [personal profile] sperrywink
Only you would include snot in a sex scene, ahahaha!!

All 5 guys for Chris. Makes my heart swell!

Date: 2011-10-22 01:33 pm (UTC)
venetia_sassy: (MLP // shake it off)
From: [personal profile] venetia_sassy
I'm amused (and slightly concerned) that you felt you had to make it clear that the snot wasn't being used as lube.

But then, some of the things I've read at weepingcock ...

Date: 2011-10-22 05:02 pm (UTC)
turlough: Frank Iero onstage 7 August 2007 during Project Revolution ((mcr) made from the sharpest things)
From: [personal profile] turlough
That's good to hear about your bandomstuffsit assignment. Though narrowing things down is always so hard. I'm so bad at doing it myself :-)

I don't know how many of the links are still working but I still have a lot of the Lamp stories linked here.

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Date: 2011-10-23 09:35 pm (UTC)
rikes: (Only if JC helps)
From: [personal profile] rikes
Oh Lamp. The source of many a good time! :D

Date: 2011-10-30 09:58 pm (UTC)
glitteryv: (Frank and Mikeyway Connected)
From: [personal profile] glitteryv
My bandomstuffsit assignment is pretty groovy. I'm about 1,100 words in. Hopefully will get it done soonish. Especially 'cause I want to have enough time for the reversebandombigbang claims when it goes live in 2 weeks or so.

Oh, lawdy, those lines! I think the one that had me O_o was : “God, so wet, like velvet foam.”

Like, SERIOUSLY? FWIW, I don't write sex scenes that often and, though some might not be spectacular, I hope that none of them land me at that Tumblr. DDD:

Date: 2011-10-22 12:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] raynedanser.livejournal.com
CHRAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMP!!!!

Date: 2011-10-22 02:46 pm (UTC)
ext_1650: (cramp)
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
Still a pairing of awesome!

Date: 2011-10-22 01:10 pm (UTC)
x_dark_siren_x: (DCU - Babs; DNW)
From: [personal profile] x_dark_siren_x
I...think I've been scarred for life. And that's only after the first page of that Tumblr. (The Sookie Stackhouse one. Just. No. *flaps hands*) I don't think I can stomach the lava lamp story again after that. Damn you.

Date: 2011-10-22 02:48 pm (UTC)
ext_1650: (Hair attack!)
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
What, you don't like a bit of lance in your sex scenes? *g*

But yeah, that's probably a good decision about the lamp story.

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Date: 2011-10-22 01:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ina-pok.livejournal.com
Oh god. My eyes. That really is slightly frightening :-P


Date: 2011-10-22 01:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ina-pok.livejournal.com
Also, who says you can't have snot in a sex scene? ;-)
Considering this just came about, that should totally be a prompt
http://yobrothatssick.livejournal.com/

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Date: 2011-10-22 03:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] withdiamonds.livejournal.com
I have nothing to say, I just needed to use my Lamp icon.

Date: 2011-10-22 05:20 pm (UTC)
ext_1650: (cramp)
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
Lamp! Always a classic :D

Date: 2011-10-22 04:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tempore.livejournal.com
Oh dear. I think I read on there though, that she doesn't do real person fic, just in case of the liability issues, but that sounds like an otherwise perfect submission.

Date: 2011-10-22 05:21 pm (UTC)
ext_1650: (Woe (eyesthatslay))
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
Gah, you're right. I even remember reading that then totally forgot. It would have fit so well, too.

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Date: 2011-10-22 11:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brandywine28.livejournal.com
Are you sure you should be encouraging people to read that thing?

Date: 2011-10-23 02:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brandywine28.livejournal.com
Also, what exactly are "womanly gifts"? Guh.

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Date: 2011-10-23 01:03 am (UTC)
tara: The symbol for Kirkwall (Dragon Age) (Marvel: Jean nervous)
From: [personal profile] tara
God, I've never seen the original Lava Lamp story before. Way to "eroticise" rape - although I worry at anyone who actually finds that erotic. Ew.

Date: 2011-10-23 08:38 am (UTC)
ext_1650: (Eeh Bdon (ashly_2x1))
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
The whole story is horrendous, which is why it's so perfect for reading aloud/acting out. Laughter helping with the utter feeling of Noooo! when you read it.

But what gets me is that some people really did find it erotic, and not just the writer.

Date: 2011-10-23 04:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gala-apples.livejournal.com
WTF is that lava lamp fic. jesus. I couldn't very far into it, too frightening.

Date: 2011-10-23 08:36 am (UTC)
ext_1650: (beautifulChris (turloughishere))
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
It gets worse the further you read D:

Date: 2011-10-23 06:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] desfinado.livejournal.com
GETTING FUCKED BY A LAVA LAMP

WHAT.


Just.



WHAT.

Date: 2011-10-23 08:36 am (UTC)
ext_1650: (Woe (eyesthatslay))
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
It's one of the worst stories ever!

One that should have resulted in death, and yet according to comments some people found it hot. Much like Chris' insides must have felt like D:

Date: 2011-10-23 09:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_bettina_/
That tumblr is awesome! Hehehe!

Lava Lamp stories, the memories! ;P

Date: 2011-10-23 03:03 pm (UTC)
ext_1650: (beautifulChris (turloughishere))
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
It's awesome, and also terrifying *g*

I know! Yesterday was all about popslash memories, what with Lamp and Chris' birthday party news.

Date: 2011-10-23 09:37 pm (UTC)
rikes: Nsync wearing orange (No! Strings! A! Ttached!)
From: [personal profile] rikes
Okay commenting on this post here as well because reading the comments gives me glee. However, I have no Lamp icon on LJ. WOE.

Date: 2011-10-24 08:38 pm (UTC)
ext_1650: (cramp)
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
No Lamp icon over here? THAT IS SO WRONG!

Date: 2011-10-24 01:26 am (UTC)
cold_clarity: credit <lj user = "masa_reforged"> (Default)
From: [personal profile] cold_clarity
snot has no place in a sex scene
IS THIS FROM THE MIKEY/PETE FIC THAT TAKES PLACE IN SCOTLAND? (I can't remember the name at the moment, but I do remember that Pete had a cold.)

ahaha, that tumblr. oh god.

Date: 2011-10-24 08:38 pm (UTC)
ext_1650: (MikeyPete (turloughishere))
From: [identity profile] turps33.livejournal.com
It is! I'm very impressed that you remembered that.

It's an awesome tumblr, one that makes me cringe often.
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