turps

Clearly I must marry goldfish!Lance as he's the most subtle snark ever and that would be years of fun times. Assuming, of course, he's one of those very long lived goldfish types. Add in the extreme low maintenance and ability to be entertained in a cubic foot of fresh water and he's damned near perfect, if low on physical affection.

Shag um, horse!Lance [and where is THAT story, Miss Links-a-Lot?] because...um. How to put this delicately? Oh! I've always enjoyed riding horses. [oh my GOD I am a completely lame pervert.] If we remain friends after I can ride him around in a completely non-perverted way, which would be lovely. I honestly do enjoy horseback riding. ;-)

Which means Llama!lance is headed for the cliff. Can Llamas swim? Because then maybe he could go over a very short cliff into some nice warm water where he could swim to shore and thus be adopted by a local tribe in great need of a sensible and smart leader and unencombered by societal restraints about body hair and body odors! Or perhaps I can give him a remote controlled parachute and he'll be traumatized but not done in! Then he can be adopted by a nice petting zoo or something wherein he would be the smartest animal the others had ever seen and he could lead them in an uprising, bargaining for better stalls, screened kids and increased pay!
Wow. Llama!Lance really has it going on.
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Hmmm. Couch!Lance is the easy choice for marry, but he was so ... forlorn as a couch. wanting to be useful and LONGING. Which, is really no way to live out a marriage. Not at all. And after all that longing and forlonity he really doesn't deserve to be pushed off a cliff. Which, really, can only end badly for him. So. Shag! He's certainly built for it, and would probably welcome a ...uh... more compatibly built third. Joey perhaps!

Now this is hard. Marry girl!Lance despite having no desire whatsoever in women in romantic situations... he is, after all, Lance under that rack, right? and how man women get husbands who are so understanding about women's issues?! Or do I marry teddybear!Lance [oh man, that story I do NOT need a link to. lol] Who's going to be dependable and cuddly even after he's worn a bit around the edges? and a good wash will clean him up from his, er, time with Joey.

So difficult!

Ok, I'll be cutting edge and marry girl!Lance. That way he can still be gay and I can shock the every living daylights out of my folks.

Which leaves poor teddybear!Lance going over the cliff. But I'll equip him with a tiny teddy parachute and of course, Joey's never had it better, so he'll be waiting at the bottom to catch him and they'll live happily ever after!


ok you.

fleshmechanic!Justin, 'reallifestuckuponhismomaandwon'teatbrokenfries'!Justin, homophobicfanon!Justin

and how about:
Brian, Joey, and hmmm..... Kevin. [for a little boring in your life. lol]