Sometimes you come across a picture and all you can do is laugh.

[turps]

The burning issue is, what has happened here?

For example, has Frank been turned into a gnome?

Now you tell me. Go!

Comments

[turlough]

Not Frank. The beard gives him away, that's totally Bob :-D

[turps]

Ah, of course it's Bob!

Of course that leads to the question, what the hell did he do to lead to being turned into a gnome.

[turlough]

Some badass photographer curse?

[turps]

That would work. Poor Bob, not only does he have to deal with people in his face all the time now he's a gnome!

[doctor_jasley]

it's sad but all I keep thinking about are the creepy gnomes the vitural people on Sims 2 could create and sale (my sister mmight have subjected me to many an hour of her having the characters make those creepy creepy gnomes)

[turps]

Oh man, those gnomes are creepy!

Back away from the creepy gnome, Mikey!

[doctor_jasley]

hopefully slowly and showing no fear...those things are like rabid dogs...no matter what those travelosity(misspelled?) commercials want you to think

[delphinapterus]

I think that's James Dewees with Mikey (for the sake of this I'm going to assume so).

Has Frank been turned into a gnome? Well, technically he hasn't because only his consciousness is inhabiting the gnome. His body appears to slumbering on the bus which actually isn't worry anyone because they all know that Frank has to sleep a lot or he'll get sick - okay more sickly than he already is but the point is nobody is worried.

How did Frank's consciousness come to inhabit a garden gnome? Well, the thing is that Frank hates the fact that he misses out on so much because he's always sleeping. As Mikey points out Frank can't just refuse to rest his body no matter how much vitamin C, Echinacea, and other illness-fighting concoctions he takes - when Mikey is the voice of reason Frank knows he's not going to be convincing anyone else - so Frank gets to rest and the others make sure he is disturbed as little as possible (quite a feat on a busy tour like this). So Frank rests and then gets to hear about all the awesome stuff he missed which totally sucks. It's not punk rock to sleep through things like kick-ball and firecrackers created from the debris gathered off assorted bands.

Frank is whining, no lamenting - he doesn't whine - to James that he misses everything. James makes a crack about how Frank just needs a second body so he can let his real one rest until it's time to play. Frank, being Frank and having been around the Ways who argue body swapping before breakfast, says that he should just take over James' body. James laughs and says maybe not his but it could work.

The thing is that James reads a lot. He likes trivia almost as much as he likes math and he really likes math. In some of his reading James came across ways to move consciousnesses. He filed it away as hocus pocus but now, listening to Frank's mournful description of all the ways life is passing him by just because of his shitty immune system, James wonders about giving it a try. It's not likely it would work of course but it would distract Frank which is really all James wants to accomplish.

When James suggests unsticking his consciousness so he can travel while his body rests Frank scoffs but goes along with the idea because a) he's bored and b) what's more awesome than an occult ritual on a rock tour? Nothing!

James needs something to put Frank's consciousness in and the only thing usable on the bus - according to James who has a lot of criteria for what will work - is a gnome that Mikey picked up four states ago for reasons known only to Mikey (even Gerard is baffled). Frank doesn't think Mikey'll mind if they borrow the gnome just so long as it doesn't get broken. James finds the supplies (surprisingly easy to find although Frank does wonder the fresh red pepper - James tells him not to ask what he traded for it), lights the candles (all good rituals have at least five candles), and positions Frank in his bunk just in case it works.

It's hot and James is muttering too low for Frank to hear. He stares at the pictures taped over his head. He tries to concentrate on the sound of James' voice but it's gentle and lulls him to sleep. When he opens his eyes he finds himself looking at his own body apparently asleep on the bunk. It's really fucking weird. Frank tries to move and realizes that he can't. He tries again and slowly raises one hand. It feels like he's trying to move through drying cement. The limitations of a lawn gnome are suddenly very very apparent to him.

James' eyes are very wide when he asks, "Frank?"
Frank does his best to raise his hand higher. James leans closer. Frank opens his hand.
"Holy shit," James breathes.

It's at this point that Mikey wanders in and demands to know why James is kneeling between the bunks poking at his gnome especially when Frank is sleeping. Doesn't James know how Frank needs rest? James realizes he has two options 1) take the Frank-gnome and try to get Frank back into his body later or 2) tell Mikey. James goes with option 2 because Mikeyway is a relaxed dude but he can be scary protective of Frank (almost as scary as Gerard when he's protecting Mikey). So James lays it out. Mikey listens quietly which James really appreciates because he knows how very ridiculous it sounds when he says that Frank's consciousness is riding inside Mikey's gnome.

Mikey stares at his gnome. Frank raises his arm a bit higher and wiggles the fingers of one hand slowly. Mikey's raised eyebrow, which had gone up at the beginning of James' tale, goes down and he kneels down next to the gnome to look more closely at it. Finally he asks James if he's sure he can get Frank back into his own body. James is certain - well he's almost certain but he's not going to mention that to Mikey because he's taken everything surprisingly well so far and James doesn't want to find out if admitting he might have trouble getting Frank into his own body will be the straw that breaks the camel's back - or in this case brings out Mikey's protective streak.

So that is how it comes about that Mikey and James end up taking a picture with a waving gnome. Mikey usually carries the Frank-gnome on the days when Frank wants to go out since the gnome belongs to him. When he and James had gotten to the table he'd put Frank on it right in plain sight because even though it looks weird it's a good sort of weird (also Frank hates being on the ground because all he sees are feet) so it had seemed logical to pose with the gnome when a fan asks. Nobody ever questions why Mikey and James spend the rest of the tour trading a gnome between them.

[turps]

OMG! You are amazing and awesome and I kind of love you right now!

That makes so much sense! And I love that Mikey and James end up taking care of Frank the gnome.

\o/ Thank you!

[delphinapterus]

I'm so happy you like it. What can I say? Your post was inspiring.

[strangecreature.livejournal.com]

Mikey has turned Frank into a gnome with the power of his mind, because Frank kept making fun of his Ridiculously Pale Shoulders. And now he is gloating at his victory. Very, very subtly. X-D

[turps33.livejournal.com]

Dude, Mikey is mean when he gets mocked!

Though I feel his subtlety needs work. Keep your thumb down next time Mikey!

[listedheart.livejournal.com]

i just love everything mikeyway chooses to be. i like to think that he's just decorating his garden with gnomes or something.

[turps33.livejournal.com]

You know, as much as I've been laughing at the thought of people being turned into gnomes, Mikey having them in his garden just because makes me even happier.

Even better is if he could get the kind you decorate yourself, and he could spend lazy days painting them black and red and maybe adding fangs.

[listedheart.livejournal.com]

lol they'd be decorated so beautifully! i was also gonna say it'd be great if he and frank had a weird little collection of gnomes when they were living together, but then i was like, if they were in an apartment they probably wouldn't have had a garden, but then i thought, that probably wouldn't even matter to them. they'd just line them up on the windowsill or something. or on like, a mantelpiece.

[turps33.livejournal.com]

Hello new personal canon.

I like to think they're on a windowsill, a motley collection of ghost gnomes, vampire gnomes, robot gnomes. And once when they're stoned they open the window and one of the gnomes falls out and they're dismayed!

And end up creating a gnome coffin and putting in the pieces.

[listedheart.livejournal.com]

definitely! and they'd get one of the ones with a fishing rod and put it by the kitchen sink so it looks like it's fishing there.

oh man, now not only do i want all the frank/mikey living together fics, but i want them to involve their collection of beautiful gnomes, too!

[turps33.livejournal.com]

The fishing rod is the perfect touch!

Me too! Frank, Mikey and the gnomes. You can't have one without the others.

[listedheart.livejournal.com]

the perfect little family!

[llamabitchyo.livejournal.com]

I'd like to think there's also a small little planter on the windowsill full of grass (real /turf/ grass, not anything to be smoked). They explain it's for the gnomes well-being, but every time any FOB or Cobra types come around, someone inevitable tries to smoke some. ... There is also, undoubtably, a tiny little tombstone or two in the planter.

:)

[turps33.livejournal.com]

Yes! There so needs to be a container of grass with tiny tombstones. I can see it so clearly :D

[gala-apples.livejournal.com]

mikey's got a farmer's tan! me too mikey! represent the only-tshirt wearers of the world. represent!

all i can think of is like a Amazing Race sort of deal, where if Mikey carries it around while having to do ridiculous tasks, he gets smash it open and find a prize at the end of the day. but really, the last thing i need right now is to mix my shitty reality tv with bandom. so i'll just keep imagining magic!gnome!frank.

which, thanks to hp, IMMEDIATELY makes me think of Frank burrowing into people's back yards. and cursing and biting people that go into the yard. and the only way they can get him to go away is by picking him up by the ankles and spinning in circles until the fling him away.

in conclusion, frank needs to be a gnome.

[turps33.livejournal.com]

His farmer's tan is a thing of beauty!

Shitty reality tv and MCR is a combination made of win! And now I'm going to sit and imagine Mikey carrying the gnome around all day. Setting it on the side of the stage, on the bus, under his arm as he does his tasks.

Oh yeah, Frank has to be that kind of gnome, the kind that does bite and be an annoyance. Really, it's the only kind of gnome Frank could be.

[gala-apples.livejournal.com]

my mid-forearm down is dark brown, thanks to the florida con. my upper arm and rest of my body is pale gothy white. i used to wince a bit looking at it, but mikey's got it too. so now i'm happy.

Mikey's all Roadblock... "'who wants to smile?' GERARD, YOU'RE TAKING THIS" and it's this task where you have to convince 20 people that have been camping out at Warped (never been, but let's just imagine it's like woodstock) for like 4 days to brush their teeth and Mikey just clings to his gnome and thinks he'd happily take the eating challenges any day.

I can totally see Gabe Saporta picking up Frank and swinging him, just like Fred and George Weasley in COS. or Brian. i need MOAR CROSSOVERS!

[madambeetroot.livejournal.com]

I think MCR have just been outed as those people who borrow gnomes from people's gardens and send postcards of them enjoying holidays in exotic places. Think about it, it makes perfect sense - who else goes to so many places but a band on tour?

Of course Mikey will return the gnome unharmed afterwards. He just took it because it looked so sad, endlessly fishing in a pond with no fish. He calls it Geoffrey and and make sure he gets a good view out of the tour bus.

Gerard is making plans to set up a gnome sanctuary back in their home town. Every gnome should be free to live the life it wants to live!

[turps33.livejournal.com]

That makes so much sense!

Seriously, I'm sitting here grinning so much thinking about them sending postcards back from Geoffrey, Geoffrey touring the states, Australia, the whole world!

And of course there needs to be a gnome sanctuary! The gnomes must be free! No more fishing or pushing wheelbarrows to the end of time!

[madambeetroot.livejournal.com]

They visited the Gnome Reserve (www.gnomereserve.co.uk/index.htm) while on tour in the UK, as Mikey wanted Geoffrey to be able to socialise with others of his own kind. Gerard got all excited and is using it as the inspiration for his own sanctuary.

[turps33.livejournal.com]

\o/

Of course Gerard wore the free hat and carried the fishing rod so he'd fit in with the gnomes. Frank used his fishing rod to whip people, Ray's hat perched on top of his hair, Mikey hid his under his hoodie hood, Bob flat out refused.

[morebliss.livejournal.com]

MCR will get that beard bonus any way they can!

[turps33.livejournal.com]

That beard would give a big beard bonus!

[sperrywink]

It looks like the gnome from that travel website commercial- Travelocity or Orbitz or something.

But I like the idea of them stealing gnomes and sending postcards back better.

[turps33.livejournal.com]

I don't know that gnome :(

But I do like the idea of them stealing gnomes and sending postcards. It's fun!

And omg! You say that the conch shell comment proves that Mikey says weird things and is awkward. All the conch shell said was the guy reads and the rest of them didn't get it.

I need to shut this tab, like now.

[sperrywink]

Ahahahaha! What is funny to me, is that I can't believe the conch shell reference is so obscure that so many people miss it. I'm pretty sure we had to read the book in school, stupid people reading cliff notes!

[castalie.livejournal.com]

Lol Lava lamps, gnomes, nothing is safe with you, eh?

[turps33.livejournal.com]

At least he didn't have sex with it!