Sometimes you come across a picture and all you can do is laugh.

[turps]

The burning issue is, what has happened here?

For example, has Frank been turned into a gnome?

Now you tell me. Go!

Comments

[delphinapterus]

I think that's James Dewees with Mikey (for the sake of this I'm going to assume so).

Has Frank been turned into a gnome? Well, technically he hasn't because only his consciousness is inhabiting the gnome. His body appears to slumbering on the bus which actually isn't worry anyone because they all know that Frank has to sleep a lot or he'll get sick - okay more sickly than he already is but the point is nobody is worried.

How did Frank's consciousness come to inhabit a garden gnome? Well, the thing is that Frank hates the fact that he misses out on so much because he's always sleeping. As Mikey points out Frank can't just refuse to rest his body no matter how much vitamin C, Echinacea, and other illness-fighting concoctions he takes - when Mikey is the voice of reason Frank knows he's not going to be convincing anyone else - so Frank gets to rest and the others make sure he is disturbed as little as possible (quite a feat on a busy tour like this). So Frank rests and then gets to hear about all the awesome stuff he missed which totally sucks. It's not punk rock to sleep through things like kick-ball and firecrackers created from the debris gathered off assorted bands.

Frank is whining, no lamenting - he doesn't whine - to James that he misses everything. James makes a crack about how Frank just needs a second body so he can let his real one rest until it's time to play. Frank, being Frank and having been around the Ways who argue body swapping before breakfast, says that he should just take over James' body. James laughs and says maybe not his but it could work.

The thing is that James reads a lot. He likes trivia almost as much as he likes math and he really likes math. In some of his reading James came across ways to move consciousnesses. He filed it away as hocus pocus but now, listening to Frank's mournful description of all the ways life is passing him by just because of his shitty immune system, James wonders about giving it a try. It's not likely it would work of course but it would distract Frank which is really all James wants to accomplish.

When James suggests unsticking his consciousness so he can travel while his body rests Frank scoffs but goes along with the idea because a) he's bored and b) what's more awesome than an occult ritual on a rock tour? Nothing!

James needs something to put Frank's consciousness in and the only thing usable on the bus - according to James who has a lot of criteria for what will work - is a gnome that Mikey picked up four states ago for reasons known only to Mikey (even Gerard is baffled). Frank doesn't think Mikey'll mind if they borrow the gnome just so long as it doesn't get broken. James finds the supplies (surprisingly easy to find although Frank does wonder the fresh red pepper - James tells him not to ask what he traded for it), lights the candles (all good rituals have at least five candles), and positions Frank in his bunk just in case it works.

It's hot and James is muttering too low for Frank to hear. He stares at the pictures taped over his head. He tries to concentrate on the sound of James' voice but it's gentle and lulls him to sleep. When he opens his eyes he finds himself looking at his own body apparently asleep on the bunk. It's really fucking weird. Frank tries to move and realizes that he can't. He tries again and slowly raises one hand. It feels like he's trying to move through drying cement. The limitations of a lawn gnome are suddenly very very apparent to him.

James' eyes are very wide when he asks, "Frank?"
Frank does his best to raise his hand higher. James leans closer. Frank opens his hand.
"Holy shit," James breathes.

It's at this point that Mikey wanders in and demands to know why James is kneeling between the bunks poking at his gnome especially when Frank is sleeping. Doesn't James know how Frank needs rest? James realizes he has two options 1) take the Frank-gnome and try to get Frank back into his body later or 2) tell Mikey. James goes with option 2 because Mikeyway is a relaxed dude but he can be scary protective of Frank (almost as scary as Gerard when he's protecting Mikey). So James lays it out. Mikey listens quietly which James really appreciates because he knows how very ridiculous it sounds when he says that Frank's consciousness is riding inside Mikey's gnome.

Mikey stares at his gnome. Frank raises his arm a bit higher and wiggles the fingers of one hand slowly. Mikey's raised eyebrow, which had gone up at the beginning of James' tale, goes down and he kneels down next to the gnome to look more closely at it. Finally he asks James if he's sure he can get Frank back into his own body. James is certain - well he's almost certain but he's not going to mention that to Mikey because he's taken everything surprisingly well so far and James doesn't want to find out if admitting he might have trouble getting Frank into his own body will be the straw that breaks the camel's back - or in this case brings out Mikey's protective streak.

So that is how it comes about that Mikey and James end up taking a picture with a waving gnome. Mikey usually carries the Frank-gnome on the days when Frank wants to go out since the gnome belongs to him. When he and James had gotten to the table he'd put Frank on it right in plain sight because even though it looks weird it's a good sort of weird (also Frank hates being on the ground because all he sees are feet) so it had seemed logical to pose with the gnome when a fan asks. Nobody ever questions why Mikey and James spend the rest of the tour trading a gnome between them.

[turps]

OMG! You are amazing and awesome and I kind of love you right now!

That makes so much sense! And I love that Mikey and James end up taking care of Frank the gnome.

\o/ Thank you!

[delphinapterus]

I'm so happy you like it. What can I say? Your post was inspiring.