Every Word Not Spoken To You 8/8
Jun. 15th, 2011 05:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
turpsThe party for Alicia is supposed to be low-key, but somehow it’s grown into something that’s left the common area filled with balloons and home made banners, while the tables are covered with food.
Ryan hesitates in the doorway, taking in the crowds of people who’re settled on the couches and talking in groups. They’re all people he knows, and he spots Bob and Ray talking with Gabe, Pete perched on a windowsill, his black cat ears catching the light. Further back and Brendon’s dancing with Lindsey, laughing when she suddenly dips him to the floor.
Then, at the very back of the room, Jon, who waves when he sees Spencer and Ryan.
“Go and talk to him.” Spencer leans in close to Ryan, grinning as he says, “I know you want to.”
Ryan frowns, “I want to talk to everyone, I’m naturally gregarious like that.”
“Yeah, you’re really not,” Spencer says fondly. He looks around, then steps away from the doorway, waiting for Ryan to follow. “You told me about his cats last night. You hate cats.”
That’s something Ryan’s going to protest. “I don’t hate cats, they’re just inferior to dogs, and evil.”
“And yet you know the names of Jon’s and what they look like.” Spencer’s smile is wide as he sing-songs, “Someone’s got a crush.”
“I’m going to punch you in the face.” Checking that there’s no one around, Ryan says, “I’ve only talked to him a few times.”
“That’s enough to know that you like him.” All serious now, Spencer looks directly at Ryan. “There’s nothing wrong with liking someone.”
“Maybe.” Ryan can allow that much, but Spencer’s wrong. Even if Ryan has enjoyed talking with Jon, that’s as far as he’ll allow it to go. A crush something that’s pointless for someone like Ryan, and therefore something he won’t allow to develop.
“There’s no maybe about it,” Spencer says, and he sounds determined, sure of what he’s saying. “It won’t always be like this.”
“For you maybe.” That’s something Ryan’s known for a while, that Spencer will get out of this lifestyle, and when he does so he’ll leave Ryan behind. “I’m going to be a silver fox sex worker, or more probably, dead.”
“Fuck you, Ryan.” Spencer looks away, taking a deep breath, then whirls back around. “You don’t get to do that. I’m sick of the self-sacrificing bullshit, yeah, you owe Walt money, but you asked for it in the first place for me.”
Ryan doesn’t get why it’s an issue. What he did for Spencer he’d do again in an instant, and he says, “I wasn’t going to let them take you go to jail.”
“I know that.” Spencer’s shoulders slump, his anger draining away. “And you need to get it through your head that even if it was you borrowing the money from Walt, the debt belongs to us both.”
“It’s my name on the agreement,” Ryan says, and no matter how much Spencer says otherwise, that’s a fact that won’t change. “I’ll be here until I pay it off.”
“And you never will with the interest he charges.” Spencer rubs at his face, says, “You know how to bring a conversation down.”
“It’s my superpower,” Ryan says, and starts to head for the main room. “Come on, it sounds like they’re bringing out cake.”
Ryan’s thankful when Spencer follows, a conversation he hates having delayed once again. It’s better that way, because no matter what Spencer thinks, Ryan’s going nowhere. It’s just how it is.
Inside of the room, the conversation dies down when Lindsey climbs up on a table and whistles, loud. “Listen up everyone. I’m not going to make a speech.”
Gabe grins, yells, “Thank fuck for that.”
Seamlessly, while flipping Gabe off and flashing him her own grin, Lindsey goes on, “But I do want to thank Brendon for organizing this and to everyone who’s helped make this celebration happen. Bob, now.”
At her prompt, Bob walks forward carrying a giant cake, one that’s got Congratulations written in black writing on the top, and a sparkler shooting off gold sparks in the middle. Setting it on a cleared off table, he stands next to Alicia, who gives him a fierce hug, leaving a lipstick mark against Bob’s neck.
“To Alicia,” Lindsey says. “For moving on and showing that it’s possible.”
The whole room erupts into cheers, Alicia smiling so wide that her face has to hurt.
“Thank you.” At first Alicia’s words are unheard, then she says again, “Thank you, I couldn’t have done it without this place.” Alicia blows a kiss toward Lindsey, then picks up a knife, brandishing it at the cake. “Ray, can you come and help me cut this?”
It’s a request Ryan understands, and one that feels right. That even if they can’t officially celebrate Ray paying off his debt to Walt, they can acknowledge it this way.
Ray makes his way through the crowd and takes a spot at Alicia’s side. Together, they take hold of the knife and make the first cut.
“You need to come home.”
It’s the first time Gerard’s stated that out loud, and Mikey can’t help wishing that Jon was still here, where his presence would delay a conversation that’s so badly needed. But also a one Mikey isn’t sure he’s ready to take part in.
Right now he’s not sure about anything. Things have moved so fast Mikey’s still trying to find his own feet, and making decisions right now seems impossible. But he does know one thing, and Mikey glances at Frank as he says, “Our home is here now.”
“No. It’s not,” Gerard says instantly. “But if you do want to stay, I’m moving here too.”
“You’d move?” It’s hard to imagine Gerard away from the city, but he’s nodding, and all Mikey can say is, “Why?”
Gerard flinches, running his hands through his hair. “I guess I deserved that.”
“It wasn’t meant as a dig,” Mikey says, and it feels like he’s groping in the dark, seeking the instinctive connection with Gerard that’s been severed by time and distance. “Your life’s back in New Jersey.”
“And so’s yours, and Frank’s,” Gerard says simply.
Too simply, because as easy as Gerard seems to think things are, he’s not seeing the full picture. That Mikey and Frank have a life here, and sure, it’s one that’s mostly fucked up, but Mikey ran for a reason. Plus, Mikey doesn’t know if he can even go back. Too many things have changed and Mikey can’t imagine how he can sleep in his old room, or look Linda in the face, or even leave the people who actually do understand.
Not looking at either Gerard or Frank, Mikey says, “I don’t know if I can go back.”
“Then I’ll come here.” Gerard sounds sure, insistent in a way he hasn’t been for a long time. “I’ll need to rent an apartment and call work, see if I can transfer, but that shouldn’t take long.”
“You’ve a job now?” Frank asks. “Doing what?”
“Working at Starbucks,” Gerard says, and for the first time in a while there’s a hint of a smile. “They were hiring and I needed a job, and the perks are fucking awesome.”
“Free coffee?” Mikey asks, trying to picture Gerard as a barista.
“You know it.” Gerard does smile then, for all of a few seconds, and then says, “I mean it, Mikey. I’ll move here if I have to. I’m not losing you again.”
Mikey believes him, and knowing that helps Mikey’s mind clear, allowing him to see where they actually belong. But he won’t say yet, because this isn’t just about Mikey, it never has been. He turns, looking at Frank, who’s been close at Mikey’s side since Jon left. “This is your life too.”
Frank’s got his hand resting on Mikey’s thigh, as if always needing to touch, waiting a long time before saying, “I don’t want to stay.”
Briefly Mikey considers suggesting they move elsewhere. Another town or city, making a new start yet again. Which is tempting, except for one thing. “It’s like tongues against ice.”
“The fuck?” Frank says, looking worried as he stares at Mikey. “Are you feeling okay?”
“No,” Mikey says, admitting that truth, but there’s also the feeling of relief, as he makes this final decision. “But it’s time to stop running.”
Gerard leans forward, and Mikey can feel his happiness, Gerard’s own relief as the connection between them seems to snap into place. “You’re coming home?”
“We’re coming home,” Mikey corrects, and links his fingers with Frank’s.
Ryan’s waiting for Spencer when Jon appears and sits down, taking the end of the couch. He’s holding a plate containing leftover cake, and hands it over to Ryan. “I brought you a corner piece.”
Ryan takes the plate, and picks off a chunk of fondant from the side of the cake. “I’m impressed you managed to find any left over.”
Jon taps at his nose. “I have my ways and means. Also, access to the staff refrigerator.”
“You’re giving away all your secrets.” Ryan tears the cake in half, and offers the plate back to Jon. “Share?”
Jon takes hold of one of the pieces and says, “I don’t mind you knowing.”
There seems to be something hidden in the statement, and Ryan eats another piece of fondant, trying to figure it out. Coming up empty, he eventually says, “How are the hell cats?”
“Still intent on world domination.” Jon’s tearing his own cake into small chunks, crumbs falling onto his lap. When he’s left with a handful of pieces, Jon frowns and drops them all on the plate, then says, “I’ve been talking to Spencer.”
Immediately Ryan’s wary, and he says, “About?”
“You,” Jon says, and then remains silent.
It’s the point where Ryan should prompt the conversation, asking questions or demanding Jon say more, but he’s not about to play that game and stays silent himself and waits.
It’s Jon that eventually breaks. “He said you used to read a lot, and liked to write.”
“I used to,” Ryan says, making a vow to kill Spencer as soon as he sees him. “I don’t do that now. So if you’re going to ask me to join in the poetry slam, don’t bother.”
“I wasn’t going to.” Again Jon stops talking, and all he’s doing is looking at Ryan. Then, suddenly, he says, “I know you don’t want to join, but what about going? With me.”
“You want to go to the Poetry Slam with me?” Ryan needs to clarify, because yeah, he enjoys spending time with Jon, but no matter what Spencer says, they’ve only spent a short amount of time together. “As a friend or....”
“A date.” This time Jon is decisive, and he turns on the couch so his knee is against Ryan’s.”I know you don’t really know me that well, but I like you, and things have to start somewhere.”
“I know enough.” It’s not that that’s Ryan’s problem, it’s that Jon doesn’t seem to understand who he’s asking. Ryan knows he has to say no, because people like Jon just aren’t meant for Ryan. “But I can’t, so sorry, no.”
“Can’t or won’t,” Jon asks, not accepting the answer. “Because if it’s can’t tell me the reason and I’ll tell you the solution.”
Ryan thinks about lying, and about how much simpler things will be if he simply says, ‘won’t’. His mouth open, Ryan plans on the lie, ending this right now, but somehow, finds himself saying, “Can’t.”
“Okay, good.” Jon seems relieved and rests his hand on Ryan’s knee. “Now, why not?”
“Because you volunteer here, and work at the hospital. Because you have cats and wear ugly sweaters and talk about TV shows that I don’t get to see.” They’re all reasons Ryan means, but the main one remains, “Because I sell my body for sex and you’re too good for someone like me.”
“Don’t you think I should be involved in that decision?” Jon asks, and then, “Also, that’s bullshit, because you’re just as good as anyone else.”
It’s not something Ryan can agree with, a few words unable to reverse years of believing the worst. But they are good to hear, and maybe, Ryan thinks, one day he will start to believe them.
“So,” Jon says, smiling at Ryan. “There’s a poetry slam on soon. Would you like to go with me?”
This time, Ryan says, “Yes.”
Mikey’s not expecting any kind of send off the day he goes home.
After a lot of talking, it’s been decided that he and Frank need to go back right away, and after claiming all their belongings from the storage unit, they’re safe in the trunk of the rental. But first, Mikey needs to say goodbye, and they pull up close to the doors of Phoenix House.
Going inside, Mikey looks for Ryan, who he knows is helping Jon take inventory, or Spencer who should be just getting out from his class. Neither are there, and inside it’s quiet, like the whole building is deserted.
Unsure if he should even be here, Mikey looks into the common room, and jumps when Brendon yells, “Surprise!”
Inside are Brendon and Jon, Lindsey and Alicia, Ray and Bob, Gabe raising his mug in salute and Pete, who launches himself at Mikey as soon as he steps into the room.
“You’re not getting away with saying goodbye, Mikey Way.” Pete hugs Mikey hard and then takes a step back, slipping off his cat ears and putting them on Mikey. “So you don’t forget me.”
“There’s no chance of that,” Mikey says, and he adjusts the cat ears, knowing that while he won’t need them to remember, he’ll keep them anyway.
“Look after him,” Lindsey says, and hugs Mikey, then Gerard and Frank. “And yourselves. Drive safe and remember, Mikey, you need to get that cast checked in two days.”
“He will,” Frank says.
Gerard nods, says, “Yeah, he will.”
“Good,” Lindsey says, addressing Gerard. “I’ll be calling to make sure.”
Gerard looks pleased, and Mikey stores the information for later teasing. For now though, he needs to finish his goodbyes, and he looks past the group, hoping that Spencer and Ryan are close by.
“Looking for us?” Spencer eases past Bob and Alicia, and smiles before hugging Mikey. “You’re welcome to share our bed any time.”
Mikey says, “Thank you,” and then Spencer stepping away, Ryan taking his place. Mikey lets his arm drop, unsure if Ryan actually does hugging.
It turns out he does, and does them well. Ryan wraps his arms around Mikey, holding on tight, his body angled away from Mikey’s arm. “I’m glad you’re going back.”
“Me too,” Mikey says, and he tucks his head against Ryan’s shoulder. “Thanks for letting me stay.”
“You’re welcome.” Finally, they end the hug and Mikey’s surrounded by people who came through when he needed them. People who within days of meeting them he classed as friends. Seeing Frank and Jon bump fists and then hug, Mikey turns to Ryan. “He’s a good guy.”
“He is,” Ryan agrees, and even though he stops talking then, Mikey can hear what he leaves unstated.
“Before, Pete told me something, about tongues and ice, I can’t remember exactly. But the point was, don’t get stuck when you’ve got a chance to go forward.” Mikey hopes that Ryan gets what he’s saying, but at least Mikey’s tried. Now the rest’s up to Ryan.
Ryan looks over at Jon, tracking his movements as Jon talks to Gerard and Frank. Ryan turns back to Mikey and says, “I’ll try. I promise.”
“Good,” Mikey says, and knows that finally, it’s time to go home.
Epilogue
“Ryan!”
Ryan hears Frank first, which gives him all of a few seconds to prepare before he’s suddenly engulfed in a hug from behind.
“I see we’ve found the right house,” Jon says, sounding amused as he gets out of his car, groaning as he stretches. “Do you know the roads to get here are crazy?”
“The worst,” Frank agrees, and then yells, “Gerard, Mikey, they’re here.”
Pointedly, Ryan rubs at his ear, and Frank laughs as he lets go and goes off to hug Jon and then Spencer, who’s yawning as he gets out of the car.
There’s the sound of a door opening and Ryan looks toward the house, seeing first Gerard, and then Mikey. In the ten months since he’s seen him Mikey’s filled out, the lines of his body softened and his hair has changed color. He also looks happy, and Ryan realizes that while Mikey did smile before, his happiness then was diluted. Now Mikey’s all but beaming, and also looks healthy, all bruising and pinched misery long gone.
“We thought you’d got lost,” Mikey says, moving in for his own hug. “You should have been here ages ago.”
“Someone let Ryan hold the map,” Spencer says, busy taking the bags out of the trunk. “We nearly ended up heading to Vegas.”
“Force of habit,” Ryan says. “And we didn’t actually end up there, so...”
“So you’re never being in charge of directions again,” Spencer says, putting his and Ryan’s small bag on top of Jon’s. “Lindsey says hi, by the way.”
“How is she?” Gerard asks, all too casual, prompting both Mikey and Frank to laugh.
“Like you don’t know.” Frank picks up the bags, frowning at Jon when it looks like he’s going to protest. “There’s no need for the nurse act, I’m healthy and have been for a long time.”
Jon holds up his hands, giving an easy smile. “Lead on then.”
It’s Gerard that leads them all back, going into the house he indicates a sofa and says, “It’s a pull out, I thought Spencer could sleep here and Ryan and Jon upstairs. That is. Fuck. I’m assuming here, you might want to swap.”
Ryan moves closer to Jon, and while normally they’re not overly affectionate in public, he takes hold of Jon’s hand, interlocking their fingers. “It’s okay, you assumed right.”
“Awesome.” Gerard sounds genuinely happy as he leaves the living room into the kitchen. Turning on the coffee machine he says, “I’m going to order pizza, is that okay?”
“Depends,” Ryan says, looking at Mikey. “Do we get to write on the lid after?”
Mikey smiles and says, “Always.”
~~~~~
Ryan wakes to a pitch black room and Jon plastered close in the queen bed. Too hot under the mound of blankets, Ryan pushes some back, and then hears a noise from downstairs. Lying still, he hears the sound again, and knows there’s no chance of going back asleep until he knows what it is.
Wiggling from under Jon’s arm, Ryan gets out of bed, his arms held in front of him as he makes his way out of the room, thankful that when he opens the door it’s not totally dark. The only illumination is a thin strip of light, bleeding from under a door, and Ryan takes a moment to place the room as the kitchen, before going downstairs.
Ryan opens the door, and finds Mikey standing at the kitchen counter, dressed in pajama bottoms and t-shirt, a mug held in his hands.
“Did I wake you?” Mikey says. “Sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, I’m a light sleeper.” It’s something Ryan has to be, always aware of potential danger, even when he’s in place that’s supposedly safe.
“Do you want hot chocolate?” Without waiting for an answer Mikey takes milk from the fridge, pouring it into the pan that’s set on the stove. Adding powder, he stirs, his back to Ryan. “I used to wake up every night, and that was only after a few nights.”
If there’s one thing Ryan’s learned, it’s that there’s no only in his world. He’s seen people destroyed after working the streets once, and others who do it for years and still keep on going. People like Pete, and Ryan goes to look at the cat ears that are propped on the windowsill. “You kept them.”
“They’re my reminder to not get stuck.” Giving the hot chocolate another stir, Mikey goes to join Ryan, picking up the ears. “Have you decided what to do about Jon’s offer?”
“I don’t know.” It’s something Ryan thinks about often, he has done since Jon first offered him the money to buy himself out from Walt. “If I say yes he’ll have to get a loan. That’s a lot to ask of someone.”
“But he offered.”
It’s nothing Spencer hasn’t already said, and Jon, who keeps pointing out that he wants to do it, and at least his loan isn’t actually dangerous. But still, it feels like yet another step forward, and Ryan has to admit that he’s scared. “What if he does this and wants to leave later?”
“Then he’d go and you’d arrange to pay him back, the same as you’re going to now,” Mikey says, as if the answer is simple. Seeing the milk begin to bubble, he hands the ears to Ryan and goes back to the stove “You’re moving into the residential unit soon, it’s the perfect time to get away from Walt too.”
Ryan wishes he could be decisive and make a decision, but every time that he tries he imagines things going wrong. Spencer graduating his class then leaving, Jon finding someone new, the unit at Phoenix House being offered to someone else.
But it also means a fresh start, and Ryan reminds himself that even when circumstances suck, his friends always come through. From Spencer who’s been there from the beginning, to Mikey who drifted into Ryan’s life, and through texts and emails, is sticking around.
“There’s no whipped cream, sorry,” Mikey says, handing Ryan a mug. “But I added half the sugar bowl, just how you like it.”
Ryan takes a sip, and the hot chocolate is cloying in its sweetness, which means it’s just perfect. “I think I’m going to say yes.”
“Yeah?” Mikey says.
And even though Ryan’s terrified, half sure he’s making a mistake he says, “Yeah.”
“Good.” Mikey picks up his mug and taps it against Ryan’s. “To new beginnings.”
Together they drink.
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no subject
Date: 2011-06-16 06:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-18 09:06 pm (UTC)Friendships, I love them so much. They make me happy.
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Date: 2011-06-16 09:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-18 08:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-17 12:31 am (UTC)So I saw you posted and I kind of didn't know how to make the reading happen, because I am heading out traveling for three weeks on Saturday. But I could not honestly wait for three weeks to read you story!!!!!!!! I read the summary and knew you were going to make something epically amazing and emotional and honest and touching out of it and so I decided to stay up way late instead and reduce sleep :-P And it was beautiful. The right kind of achy and at times just on the border of them so stuck it felt impossible for any of them to get out of. when Mikey hit rock bottom there, I had tears in my eyes. But I also knew you were going to make them better without it being too cheesy or disconnected. And you did. I really like how they move on as well as stop running and possibly get new chances. but overall it is their friendships that make it human and touching and make their existence, the way you describe it, bearable.
I am not so sure I am making much sense at this time of night anymore, but I really just wanted to tell you that I enjoyed reading the story a lot. That I think you had some great character development there and that your Mikey Way is an incredibly strong guy with a big heart and great friends :-)
♥
no subject
Date: 2011-06-18 08:58 pm (UTC)Poor Mikey, he hit bottom hard, but it could have been even worse, and yeah, getting stuck was a problem for them all. I thought about that a lot. The temptation was to give a happy ending for everyone, but it couldn't be that easy. Mikey could get out because he had Gerard and Frank, but the others weren't so lucky.
I always felt sad for Pete, who gives so much but is one of the ones that has become stuck. Also, a good example of those friendships you mention.
Thank you so much for such a lovely comment, that did make sense :)
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Date: 2011-06-17 03:18 am (UTC)Also, as a fellow nurse, I was feeling the love for Jon. Totally giving my profession a good name :)
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Date: 2011-06-18 08:47 pm (UTC)But yeah, I understand the desire to hug them all.
You bring so much depth to an h/c story, so there is always so much more going on, like relationship-building, good dialogue and excellent story-telling.
That's such a lovely compliment. Thank you.
Also, thank you about what you said about Jon. In my head I always called him hot nurse Jon, but I also wanted him to actually do his job too.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-17 11:48 am (UTC)There's just so much here that's awesome and amazing and brilliant, like, far too much for me to even begin to articulate, so I'm going to focus on one thing and that is JON JON JON OH JON CARING RESPONSIBLE NURSE JON. WITH THE SUTURING. AND THE JOKES ABOUT KNITTING. AND THE FEEDING OF PEOPLE.
Also: Mikey! Frank! Pete with cat ears! Ryan borrowing money to keep Spencer out of JAIL (pls explain?) Ray and Bob beating assholes! Geeeeeerard! Lindsey! Brendon! Alicia!
JOOOOOOOOOOOON.
::flails some more::
no subject
Date: 2011-06-17 09:05 pm (UTC)I kept imagining him in his pink scrubs, shadows under his eyes and yawning as he tries to get used to night shifts. And his whole life is pretty much the hospital, volunteering and going home to his cats, but he's fine with that. He's happy with his life even if he gets frustrated with bureaucracy at times.
Let me tell you my backstory for Ryan and Spencer.
So, when Ryan was laughing at Pete finding someone who's story matched Ryan's own he wasn't kidding. Ryan ran from his own bad situation, except in his case it was his best friend who insisted on coming along.
But unlike Mikey and Frank, Ryan and Spencer never got the chance to start to establish their new life. Their savings nearly gone they've been living on barely any food, knowing it's more important for a safe place to sleep.
Then Spencer gets caught shoplifting. It's not even anything big, just a few candy bars, and any other time he'd be let off with a caution, but the owner keeps getting robbed, and he's frustrated, so he takes a tough stance and presses charges, and the police go along with that.
Which is why Spencer spends the night locked up at the police station, and then in the morning is given a choice, pay a fine or go to jail for a few weeks. Which is ridiculous for such a small crime for someone with a clean record, but when Ryan points that out the police officer he's been talking to he just dismisses him, saying that Ryan's lucky he's been told anything at all, so he needs to go already, and that Spencer's got his choice, and that's that.
And Ryan's doing his best not to react because he's tired and hungry and his best friend is locked away somewhere and Ryan's got no idea what to do. And the guy seems to see that because he says gently, look, he'll be out for good behaviour in a few days, don't worry.
Which is easy for him to say, Ryan's heard stories of what goes on in prisons & he's heading outside, seconds away from calling Spencer's parents when Walt appears.
Because this is how Walt operates. He's there bailing out one of his girls and he sees Ryan and within seconds realises that this is someone who he can exploit. Ryan doesn't stand a chance.
Long story short. Walt piles on sympathy, buys Ryan coffee and hot food and then eventually casually says he could lend Ryan enough money to get Spencer out. Normally Ryan would have said no, but he's exhausted, stressed, and keeps looking at the scar on Walt's arm, the one Walt says he got in prison when he was a kid.
Which is when Ryan makes the biggest mistake of his life so far, when he signs for a loan, one that's he's got no chance of repaying due to the horrendous interest.
Really it's a combination of horrible timing, and Ryan not thinking straight, because if he'd been caught that's one thing, but Ryan's weakness is Spencer, and Ryan's already got a good imagination, that plus Walt telling his own prison stories and Ryan's determined that no way is Spencer going to go to jail.
And that's my TL;DR for the night *g*
Thank you so much for the lovely comment ♥
no subject
Date: 2011-06-19 03:32 am (UTC)Oh Jon! ♥
And there is NO SUCH THING as TL;DR when it comes to Ryan&Spencer backstory, hon. NO SUCH THING. Oh, Ryan. He never had a chance.
(When Mikey's first in that toilet block in the park and that guy in the suit approaches him at first I thought it was Walt, and I'm SO GLAD it wasn't, because at least it meant Mikey never owed anyone.)
I'm still all ♥______♥ over this. And also \o/. And other assorted emoticons of joy.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-23 08:07 pm (UTC)I didn't even think of that, but it would have added an extra edge of badness to the story.
When I first plotted this out with Arsenic there was a lot more about Walt and his going ons. The original idea was he had some kind of turf battle with another pimp, but that just added an extra layer of plot when I didn't have enough time, so it was cut right down to where he is now.
You remain awesome at comments. Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-17 02:29 pm (UTC)Oh, boys. I lost count of the amount of times this made me ridiculously teary. <3<3<3
Mikeeeeeey ;__;
Such a fantastic story!
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Date: 2011-06-18 07:16 pm (UTC)Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-17 02:39 pm (UTC)Thanks for writing and sharing <3
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Date: 2011-06-18 07:15 pm (UTC)I love those ideas so much so it's fantastic that comes across.
♥
no subject
Date: 2011-06-17 11:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-18 07:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-18 01:26 am (UTC)AWESOME. if i had to describe the story in just one word. seriously, it was such a great read. mikey! omg my heart. i had some serious heart clenching going on and some almost tearing up. it was perfect. i mean, it's 3:30AM and i kind of need to be up in 5 hours or so, but who caaaaares when i can get hurt/comfort.
and pete! and his cat ears! omg <3 and ryan. he was so perfect, i love him so much!
all of this was perfect! <3333
and ryan is wrong. dogs drool, cats rule!!!!
no subject
Date: 2011-06-18 07:01 pm (UTC)Poor Mikey, once he made that one wrong decision they just kept piling up.
I love that Pete is getting mentioned often, because I did love writing him.
Yeah, cats are awesome. But I'm sure Ryan will be won over.
Thank you so much, bb.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-18 02:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-18 06:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-18 08:16 am (UTC)Your Pete is spot on, and I love the way you wove everyone in here.
Mwahmwah.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-18 05:18 pm (UTC)So he does start to read, silently picking it up when Spencer's doing homework, and Ryan glares at him daring him to say a word. But Spencer does nothing, and for the longest time Ryan holds the book, remembering the feel of pages in his hands.
And then he does read, but only a few pages a day, and then one night he's worked over, and when Jon comes by with meds and food he sits on the side of the bed and says to Ryan if he likes Jon could read to him, and he does. Sadly his snake voice isn't as good as Mikey's, but that's okay, Jon has other tricks up his sleeve.
You know I love Pete, so I'm so happy you enjoyed him. Like I said in the art post, he hasn't got that much face time but what he does is vital.
Thank you ♥
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Date: 2011-06-20 04:40 am (UTC)Oh Ry. You need someone to read you to sleep. And now I want to write a certain something. I think you know what.
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Date: 2011-06-20 12:45 am (UTC)And now I'm just going to quote some of my favorite bits.
Jon puts up his fists, dancing from foot to foot. "I may be short but I'm scrappy."
heeeee ♥!
Tight clothes and exposed skin, his face painted and hair unruly. It's like Ryan's catching glimpses of himself back in his old bedroom, except now, while he's still showing himself off to the world, this display comes along with desperation.
Ryan wanted attention back then, now he needs it.
oh OH RYAN ;_____;
"I decided I wanted to be a nurse when I was a kid. My family said I should try for a doctor, but I'd my heart set on nursing. I had this idealized view I'd be making a difference where it was needed, and that meant being there for the people."
"And?" Mikey prompts, when Jon trails off again.
"And sometimes the people don't want me, or the system gets in the way," Jon says. "And I want to walk away and never look back. Until I do make a difference again."
FAVORITE OH GOD. Can I hug him forever? :(
"Pete's not weird."
"Compared to you, maybe," Spencer says, and then, "He was wearing cat ears tonight."
&pete;
Also Spencer is the best of friends.
“He patched me up when I fell off a shelf,” Brendon says, and pushes back his hair to show a tiny scar on his forehead. “I got hit by a mop.”
Only Brendon could :D
“You’re looking for a sweater?” Jon says, and holds up one that looks soft and warm, but has snow flakes as part of the pattern. “Lindsey think it’s ugly.”
Ryan has to agree. He can’t even tell himself he likes it in an ironic way, because it’s just plain wrong. But it does look fuzzy and inviting, and Ryan finds himself reaching out, running his fingers over a sleeve. Still, he has to say, “She’s right, it is ugly.”
Jon smiles, slow, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “The ugliest. It’s why I bought it.”
SMLJFDS;AFLDSK JON GAVE HIS SWEATERS AND RYAN THINKS THEY'RE UGLY AND OH BEAUTIFUL BBS OF MY HEART *_________________*
*FLAIL*
Surprised, Ryan stares directly at Jon, because when people see Ryan they see tight t-shirts and pants, the eye make-up and wild hair, the defeated look in his eyes that to Ryan always screams, hooker. “You think I’m a burgundy stripe kind of person?”
“I think you could make it look good,” Jon says.
MFEEEEEOOOOOOOOOO
“Typical, while I’ve been sick you’ve been charming the hospital,” Frank says
LOL
“That’s what they all say,” but Jon’s not looking away, is still staring at Ryan like he’s something worth seeing.
;♥;
Honestly though I could just quote all of Jon and Ryan's conversations because they are most perfect. So all in all, this was totally amazing and so great and the best thing I could read after being done with my exams.
Also I saw the comment above and yes please, a sequel *______*
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Date: 2011-06-20 12:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-23 07:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-23 08:01 pm (UTC)I'm thrilled that you liked the story, and especially that you liked the Jon/Ryan parts. I usually write My Chem so I always worry a little that I don't the Panic/TYV people justice.
But I really did enjoy writing them, and wish I did have more time to dedicate to them learning to be together, because no way is that going to be bump free.
I'm not saying no to a sequel, I tend to be easy in terms of those.
Thank you again for such a lovely comment, and I hope your exams went well.
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Date: 2011-06-21 05:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-23 07:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-23 07:48 pm (UTC)(it is okay if I imagine Brendon and Spencer getting together in the future, right?)
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Date: 2011-06-23 07:53 pm (UTC)Thank you! You know h/c is my favourite always.
Of course it is, and really, there's no reason why they can't. Brendon will be working at Phoenix House and Spencer going to his class there, and they can talk in the common room, curled on one of the couches while Spencer worries over his math homework and of course about Ryan, because that's just what Spencer does.
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Date: 2011-06-25 05:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-25 09:40 pm (UTC)Thank you so much for letting me know ♥
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Date: 2011-06-30 03:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-30 06:59 am (UTC)Thank you for letting me know ♥
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Date: 2011-07-08 05:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-09 12:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-09 01:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-09 03:03 pm (UTC)I agree, the humour is important. It would be so easy to let the angst take over so I always remind myself that it's not all doom and gloom always, so I'm glad that came through.
♥