Snowflake Challenge -- day eight

[turps]

Day 08

Comment to someone you haven't ever interacted with before or introduce yourself to someone you've interacted with and friend/follow them. Afterwards, leave a comment in this post with the equivalent of "I did it!"

I've been doing that since challenge one, so I'm saying, done!

It was my psych appointment today.



It went much better than I was expecting. Mainly what he was trying to get me to do was to stop being disappointed with the weight I've lost so far, because it's a significant amount, my dietician is happy with me and I'm on track to achieve the usual amount lost using a balloon. We talked about how I feel much better physically, how I can walk much further and for longer, and do more than I used to, and how that should be my goal and not the numbers.

He also kept saying how it's biology that I'm like this. I mean, not all obviously, biology doesn't shove food down my throat, but the fact that I'm just one of those people who put on weight really easily and find it hard to take off. He kept saying how yeah, it sucked that I need to eat much less than someone else in order to not put on weight, but it's biology, that's just how my body is, and how because I need to eat less over the years, and haven't, it's led to the vicious circle where I put weight on, then move less, therefore not burning off any of the calories I do hold onto so easily.

He said a few times that it wasn't fair, the same way it isn't fair on the people who burn calories too easily and can't put weight on. But it happens -- that it's biology -- and all I can do is attempt to come to terms with the fact I just can't eat even a little over normal without gaining significant weight.

He talked about how I could still have feasts if I wanted, but while everyone else could have big feasts I'd have to have little ones, which I guess is better than being banned from all kinds of food for all times. And that I needed to stop being disappointed in myself as none of the medical professionals I'm seeing are.

Which I'm trying, but easier said than done. I also need to bump my exercise up, just a teeny bit each time, adding maybe a minute to the walks I'm doing. Which again, I can do, I just need to have confidence in myself that it's possible, because once I am out walking I enjoy myself, and my fitness is much better. It's just I forget that when I'm not out and about and revert back to thinking I'm the person who got out of breath really easily and whose back hurt after a few steps.

Next appointment is in a month and I'm feeling quite positive right now. Hopefully it'll remain that way.

Comments

[glitteryv]

Struggling with one's weight (whether is to put some more lbs or the opposite) is hard work. Based on what you said, it definitely sounds like you've got really good people in your 'official' team (meaning, the medical professionals).

Just know that your 'unofficial' team (meaning those of us who know you on a friend-level) are also rooting for you. Personally, I believe in you and what you can do and that, wherever this journey goes, you're getting there the healthy way. *hugs, hugs, hugs*

while everyone else could have big feasts I'd have to have little ones, which I guess is better than being banned from all kinds of food for all times.

The psych doc is totally right. Sometimes we all get a hankering for some food that's absolutely bad (or the quantity is excessive), but 9 times out of 10, what we're looking for is not the food itself but the experience of being social with other people or tapping into whatever positive association we have with that particular food.

I mean, at least that's been my experience. *hugs you again because there can never be enough cuddles*

[wenchpixie]

I honestly don't think I could have said any of this better. All so true.

[turps]

Thank you for the support. Luce does make a lot of sense.

[turps]

I'm so very grateful to my official team. It took a lot of time -- and courage -- to ask for help and everyone I've seen has been so understanding and helpful. The lack of judgement is very refreshing, and very helpful.

You all are amazing at being my unofficial team. I know food and weight is a hard subject for a lot of people so I really appreciate the people who are reading and cheering me on. It helps so much.

I mean, at least that's been my experience.

You're right. It's like last night I really wanted to order in pizza. I had stuff planned for tea, but was craving pizza, and a lot of that is due to the fact takeaway nights in our house tend to be chilled out, watching the tv with James and Corey kinds of nights. In the end we had what I'd planned, but man, I wanted that pizza.

Thank you, so so much.

[turlough]

Your psyc doctor sounds like a very sensible guy. And I'm glad you're feeling good about today's meeting. I know how hard it is to change a lifetime of mental and physical habits and even when you know something intellectually it's a very different thing to really know deep in your heart. I'm always here for you, cheering you on and sending you ALL the good thoughts!

[turps]

He really is sensible. I knew that when he put off an actual 'real' talk until I was a bit further away from dad's death and could actually start to deal with something else.

You're right, it's the knowing and knowing that's the hard part, but I know you've got my back. Thank you for that.

[pensnest]

It sounds as though you have a very sensible psych doc there. It can be hard to notice your own progress, because your body is right there with you all the time, and it's difficult to remember how it felt a week or a fortnight ago and compare it to right now. If only we could send our bodies off somewhere and only see them once a month, we'd see the progress!

I envy my Beast, who can put on 3lb over the Christmas weekend and then lose them by half-way through January. Biology. But you are doing really well, and it's impressive that your medical team are all pleased with you. \o/

[turps]

It can be hard to notice your own progress, because your body is right there with you all the time, and it's difficult to remember how it felt a week or a fortnight ago and compare it to right now

That's so true. I've been thinking about that appointment and how we parked in the middle of the car park and walked to the building. I didn't give doing that a second thought and it would have been something I'd have found difficult before. Then the chairs, they're ones with sides which I often have trouble with. The first time I went to see him I had to sit sideways on because my hips didn't fit, this time I fit nicely. I need to remind myself of these things.

I envy my Beast, who can put on 3lb over the Christmas weekend and then lose them by half-way through January. Biology.

I envy things like that too. But, it's nothing any of us can change. Just learn to deal with, I guess.

Thank you.

[akamine_chan]

*cheers you on*

[turps]

Thank you so much ♥

[romantical]

Everyone's said what I'd say and so well, that I will just add that I love you, and I'm glad you're getting healthier. ♥

[turps]

Thank you so much. I do feel so much better now. It's a lovely feeling.

[jiksa_x]

Food/exercise/body things can be so hard. *sends encouragement* I hope they get easier for you soon.

[turps]

It really is.

Thank you ♥

[sperrywink]

I'm so glad the psych appnt went so well! And he is really right. A lot of it is biology, and it ca go both ways, I think. My brother was heavyset growing up, while the rest of us were thin. He shed the weight in his 20s and kept it off, while we all gained pounds (and onward into our 30s, 40s, and 50s for my eldest brother and sister).

But despite my sugar addiction and our weight, he's the one who got diabetes early out of all of us, and I think it has everything to do with his body type and how different it was. He got it in his 30s, and it has been a struggle ever since. (Not to say we won't develop diabetes given our history, but I think our descend into the disease will be behavior driven, while for Michael it was more genetics).

So yeah, listen to him, and work with your body and mental health and good luck!! (And I feel you on bumping up your exercise. I am so sedentary, i really need to move more).

[turps]

Genetics can be so tricky. And the thing his, when you do it and think about it it does make sense that everyone isn't the same, but it's something you don't really take in until you have to. At least, it was that way for me. When Corey was at home I'd give us all the same portion sizes which when you think about it makes no sense because he walked miles a day going back and forward to college, while I mostly stayed in.

It has helped everyone sharing their genetic family stories. I mean, I believed what he was saying, but seeing it proved the world over strengthens what he was saying. I wish I had been born someone who could eat loads and burn it off, sadly I wasn't.

I've been using the treadmill most days and do try and get out for a walk, even if it's a short one. But it's always something I have to push myself to do. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that one day a love of exercise will click in. But I doubt it.

[rikes]

*\o/*

[turps]

Thank you! :D

[ephemera]

*hugs*

I'm glad the appointment went well: it's so hard to deal with bodies sometimes, because you're *in* your body all the time, change-over-time is really hard to notice, so you have to rely on the external things but that doesn't feel as real (at least to me).

I've discovered that step-tracking is useful for me - there's still sometimes a huge mix-match between how much walking I feel like I've done and what the numbers say sometimes, but over time I'm finding it useful both for spotting patterns, and because I am quite motivated by arbitrary round numbers ;)

[turps]

I'm glad the appointment went well: it's so hard to deal with bodies sometimes, because you're *in* your body all the time, change-over-time is really hard to notice, so you have to rely on the external things but that doesn't feel as real (at least to me).

That's very true. I find myself plodding along and then realising something that makes me stop and realise how far I've come. Like earlier today, I went upstairs easily and without thinking about it when usually it's one foot up, bring up the other to the same step, repeat over and over.

Do you use a fit bit or something like that? I've been tempted by one of those because I am trying to increase my steps, but keep thinking they may be a waste of money.

[ephemera]

I've been wearing a fitbit (the "one" model, that clips onto my bra) for almost 2 years, and I find the data really interesting, and it keeps me accountable to myself for my goals - I focus less on the daily number, and more on the weekly and monthly averages.