(no subject)

[turps]

Still pissed about the time zone thing. Stupid world *kicks it*

I'm fretting at the moment. Anyone that knows me knows that I have no confidence in what I write at all. So I reach this stage of looking at things and thinking, there's no way I can post this. This time I like my AU, I read it last night again after I'd done a quick code ( I find it easier to read and spot mistakes that way) and it's okay, and there's only a few scenes to edit then it's done, can be sent off into the world. Am I freaking about that? Yes, I damn well am, because I'm an idiot. I know that I'm an idiot, but I fret anyway.

Someone slap me please.

Moving on, I had the most vivid dream about LJ last night. I was writing and posting a story, and Jo commented asking why I didn't write Paris smut. I took that to mean Voyager slash so wrote this story. I swear I've known nothing like it, I actually dreamed about writing this story. Tom was with Harry playing tennis ( no idea why, holodeck maybe) and they heard a thumping noise. They went to look for the source and found this cabin, they went in and found Chakotay tied up. Chak tried to speak but was gagged, then the next thing, Harry drugged Tom, stripped him and said he'd always wanted a threesome and was going to take both Tom and Chak. I wrote all this down but stopped before the sex. I was honestly expecting to see the story on my HD when I logged on this morning, because a Tom/Chak/Harry threesome has to be good.

In RL news I've just come back from the doctors with James because he thinks he's dying again. He keeps asking me to look down his throat and see if his tonsils are swollen, but how the hell am I supposed to know? Plus you know, looking down someone's throat is just ick. It's enough to put you off kissing for life...well maybe a few seconds ;)

Last, Kay asked if I wanted to go camping with her and Lia, to which I replied hell no. If I wanted to see up close and personal porn I'd watch the babe channels on Sky *g*

Not pissed about time zones anymore. Mouse has worked her magic * snuggles mouse*

ETA: Stopped fretting. Had my mini freak out and have moved on.

Comments

[castalie.livejournal.com]

I can't slap you, then? Are you sure? Coz see, I had this shiny new paddle and I was dying to-- *voice trails off* Oh... you didn't mean a spanking? *cough* Well, uh, of course I knew that! I did. I was just trying to- yeah, ya know- Oh my my, look at the time! I'm gonna be late for my medieval History class, and that would be bad, right? Right. Gotta go!

Just a last thing, about the snuggling things? --> *purr*

[littledrop.livejournal.com]

OhmygodaTomHarryChakotaystorywouldbesohotyoumustwriteitnownownow!!!

I think you should be more confident about your writing. I read one of your TS stories and really loved it. That's a crap comment, I know, I'll do better when I re-read it to jog my memory. *g*

[turps33.livejournal.com]

I know! How wonderful would that be? I'm tempted, really I am. However, I've never written Trek even though it's the fandom I've been in the longest. But man, the visuals are stunning.

*Blush* Thanks for the compliment, and really I don't need to know more than people actually read what I write. I suck at feedback myself *g*

Thank you.

Tonsil-looking

[starwatcher]

He keeps asking me to look down his throat and see if his tonsils are swollen

*g* I know exactly how you feel. You know the stage all little girls go through where they want to be a nurse? I never did; I don't even like myself when I'm sick, let alone other people.

But tell him he can check his own tonsils. Get a hand-held mirror and a small flashlight. Point the flashlight in the mouth (kind of at an angle, to not get in the way) and check it out in the mirror. It works. But then what? I go, "Yep, they're inflamed. Rest and liquid (and meds, if they're prescribed)." Does seeing the redness or swelling change the treatment? Nope. So why bother?

But men are such babies when they're sick; women know how to suck it up.

[paperdollkisses.livejournal.com]

LOL, I was in your dreams??? That's so fun. That must be why I'm tired... *end play on cheesy pickup line number 817*

[turps33.livejournal.com]

You were *g* Commenting on a story I'd posted and wanting Trek smut. Which is weird because if you're a Trekker I don't know about it.

And hey, you're welcome in my dreams any day! ;)

[nopseud]

Anyone that knows me knows that I have no confidence in what I write at all. So I reach this stage of looking at things and thinking, there's no way I can post this.

Heh. I don't know if everyone does this, but I sure as heck do. With *every* *single* *thing* I write. I delayed sending the 100 Ways challenge story to mickeym for ages because I was convinced she'd hate it.

[ninjetti75.livejournal.com]

*smacks Terri & Nopseud both*

You are both AMAZING writers, so don't make me smack you more! I will be far more annoying pestering you about being down on yourselves and doubting the quality of your work than I could ever be about the works themselves! Bring it on! I =LOVE= discussing writing! Lemme know what you need, what you feel is unclear or whatever, I =WANT= to help!!!

[nopseud]

The thing is, I already know it's a totally irrational reaction. I can open a story, read through it and like what's there, but as soon as I look away and think about hitting 'send', I *still* have this fear that everyone else will hate it, and want to stab me to death with pencils for writing it. (Which, okay, in the case of the 100 Ways story they actually might. But that's for different reasons.)

It took me a whole year before I could force myself to let my husband read any of my stuff, which was pretty annoying for him, as he wanted to know why the heck I'd been glued to the computer. Fortunately, he liked it. (Luckily for me, back then I wasn't writing popslash, which he doesn't get at all and can't bear to read :-) And I wrote hundreds of thousands of words of original slashfic and for ages I didn't do anything with it except e-mail it to a few friends, because I was just freaked out by the idea of people *seeing* it.

I'm much better about it now, I promise. :-)

[turps33.livejournal.com]

That's exactly how I feel. I know I'm improving as a writer, I know that some people like what I write. I can even read what I write and enjoy it. But I still feel sick every time I post something. I can't relax until the first comment is posted and even then I half expect it to say something like, what the hell are you on?

Yeah, it's irrational, but it's something I can't stop.

If it wasn't for castalie I'd never have posted anything. She was the only one that saw what I wrote for ages, then she kept encouraging me until I posted a story to 852 Prospect, The Sentinel slash archive. I wish you'd seen me. She was e-mailing every five minutes because I literally couldn't hit the submit button. Then when I did I had to lie down I was shaking so much *g*

I'm getting better too, but I'll never be able to post without worrying and I always fret about stories when they're nearly ready to post. I've imagined myself drummed from a fandom many a time.

[nopseud]

I can't relax until the first comment is posted and even then I half expect it to say something like, what the hell are you on?

Ha! That's me too, right there!

{refresh, refresh}

"Come on, someone. Anyone. How long does it take you people to read 10000 words?"

{refresh, refresh}

[turps33.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon.

It's nothing specific for me, I know I'm an okay writer, but I can't shake the feeling that what I write sucks and I shouldn't be subjecting things to other people. Insane I know, but there you go *shrugs*

[turps33.livejournal.com]

Hey, you can spank me any day, you kinky little thing. *loves on sis*