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Jun. 19th, 2004 09:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
turpsOk. Like I was sittin listening to Linkin Park. Best band eva!!!111! and thought what wud happen if I went to Rivendale and saw Legolas, because OMG Orlando is so hott!!!!1111!!!!
This is my first fanfic so feed me ok! If you don’t I wont write more and you’ll make me cry!
Legolas was walking in the forest when he saw something move in the bushes.
“Who is that?” he said and poked at the bush with his bow.
I stepped out of the bush and said. “It is me, Dorothee and stop poking me with your bow. I am here to warn you about some danger.” He looked at me and I cud tell he was checkin me out, so I flicked back my ebony glossy hair and batted my cerulean coloured orbs.
“She is hott,” thought Legolas and he pulled the bush aside and helped me out “I wonder what she’s here for?”
Legolas was looking at my breasts so I stuck out my double D chest to show him the creamy mounds under my tight leather dress. I could tell he wanted me, his elf hood was sticking out under his breeches at least 15 inches. {writers note -- heheheh elf hood. Do u like that?}
“ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” Suddenly a tribe of orgs attacked!!!! I whipped out my sword and started to fight. I killed five with one swipe and then jumped on two more, knocking them together. See, I’m a black belt of karate. I could kill someone with my little finder but I won’t because I am a pasifist. My daddy the king said I had to learn to fight and also learn to be smart. I have 29 degrees and can multiply any number in a second. Go on, ask me what 79789473876567 x 98746483294 is. I know and I bet u don’t.
“She is wonderful.” He thought, and daintly stepped back as a org came flying past. I don’t want to get blood on my new elf tunic. I want to sleep with her, and he touched himself. “I love u Dorothee!”
I heard my beloved call, and blew him a kiss as I gutted another org with my bare hands. I had to be quick, there were 87 more to beat and I had to tell Legolas my premonition. I had to destroy the ring. That Frodo is a wimp, only I Dorothee the third can be the ring bearer. It is because my daddy is a elf, my mommy a human, my grandad a dwarf and my grandmother a hobbit. I am the saviour of all.
“Ow” I said when a arrow pierced my arm, but I pulled it out and stiched up my arm before killing the last baddy.
“Dorothee, help! I looked up. Gandalf had Lefgolas round the neck and was burning his hair off. OMG Gandalf is evil!
What do u think? I want 20 feedback or I wont write more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
~*~*~*~
This was written for someone who dared me to write a LotR badfic Mary Sue. I’ve never written a word in that fandom so excuse me if it’s bad ;) Not naming the person who dared me as she doesn’t use her name on here so I don’t want to connect the names. She and I know, that’s enough.
Shall I post it at FFNet now, hon? *g*
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2004-06-19 01:18 pm (UTC)honey...
are you smoking crack?
*is scared*
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Date: 2004-06-19 01:27 pm (UTC)Oh well, one comment down, 19 to go and I'll do more ;)
No, it was a dare that's all. To tell the truth it's almost as hard writing like that than it is doing it for real. No need to be scared hon, I'll be back to normal in the next post *g*
You're so sweet, still commenting on this crap, even if it's a WTF!?
*hugs you*
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Date: 2004-06-20 02:23 am (UTC)Dude, badfic is so much better when its on purpose. I needed that laugh. Thanks.
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Date: 2004-06-20 02:36 am (UTC)It's surprising how difficult badfic can be to write, I still don't think I've hit the utter lameness of some stories I've seen *g*
I'm glad it made you laugh :)
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Date: 2004-06-20 02:26 am (UTC)Thanks a bunch, honey, I love it *hugs tight* but post this on ffnet and I'll come and kick your ass all the way to England (and beware, cause I'm super-tough) - write moooore! I want my bad sex scene! *giggles*
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Date: 2004-06-20 02:46 am (UTC)You really are the queen of Mary Sues, everyone should bow before you.
No worries, posting on FFNet is something I'm not going to do, I'm not that insane *g*
As for more. You just want to see more of Legolas' elfhood ;)
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Date: 2004-06-20 02:46 am (UTC)OMG!!1! U r so kewl!1! Like OMG i was listening to liinkin park to and i culdn't help thinking, like wat if Legolas --ORLANDO IS SO teh seksiest man alive, he'z so hawtttt1!1!-- did something like that and wow u wrote it! Pleaz write more cuz i wanna know the rest yay sequel!1! and when hiz bow poked her? Dies!11! Legolas so haz teh seksiest bows!
See?!
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Date: 2004-06-20 02:35 am (UTC)(Unintentional?)Sexual innuendo. Luckily you didn't use "arrow" in the second one.. Eep!
I killed five with one swipe
With one swipe of what, her double D creamy mounds?!?
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Date: 2004-06-20 02:49 am (UTC)Double D creamy mounds are lethal weapons don't you know? One swipe and you're dead *g*
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Date: 2004-06-20 02:45 am (UTC)Although wait, this isn't a proper fb, please, allow me :
OMG!!1! U r so kewl!1! Like OMG i was listening to liinkin park to and i culdn't help thinking, like wat if Legolas --ORLANDO IS SO teh seksiest man alive, he'z so hawtttt1!1!-- did something like that and wow u wrote it! Pleaz write more cuz i wanna know the rest yay sequel!1! and when hiz bow poked her? Dies!11! Legolas so haz teh seksiest bows!
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Date: 2004-06-20 03:01 am (UTC)U liked it!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111
Legolas does have teh seksiest bows!! Im gong to marrie him and I will bee Mrs Lefgolas and we'll haev 45 beutiful babies. I luv Orlando so much!!
LOL. I'm glad you liked it. I had to give it a try when I found out there were no Mary Sues with that name at FFNet, I mean why should anyone be denied of that pleasure?
I'm glad all my time hanging around that place was good for something *g*
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Date: 2004-06-20 03:09 am (UTC)Come on, it's the first time someone writes a fic for me - I had to share it with you! lol
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Date: 2004-06-20 03:44 am (UTC)*eg*
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Date: 2004-06-20 04:53 am (UTC)LOL
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Date: 2004-06-20 05:52 am (UTC)That was fantastic... well, actually not, but you know what I mean. It made me laugh, so that's good *g*.
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Date: 2004-06-20 07:54 am (UTC)Thank you.
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Date: 2004-06-20 06:04 am (UTC)Well, that gave me a big chuckle.
Particularly loved the self-insertion. 15 inches. That's a lotta elf hood. Whoa. Dorothee is definitely a virgin....and a rather violent pacifist.
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Date: 2004-06-20 07:55 am (UTC)LOL, yeah it is rather a lot of elf hood, Dorothee is either a lucky, or maybe dilusional girl ;)
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From::::whimpering:::
Date: 2004-06-20 07:00 am (UTC)Ow! My eyes!! God, that hurts!!! Please STOPPP!!!!!
Terri, even your very first fic, before it was beta'd, wasn't so awful. I had to read this in two parts -- simply couldn't face the whole thing in one go.
Sorry, not even in jest can I squee about something so dreadful. But I can ask a question -- what's with the '1' interspersed with '!'? I can -- barely -- comprehend using short-speak, but it takes just as many key-strokes to type '1' as '!'. Care to enlighten this old fogey?
Re: :::whimpering:::
Date: 2004-06-20 07:09 am (UTC)I have no idea why people do the !!11!! thing. I know a lot of people use it to mock teenies who do use it a lot, but why they do, I have no idea. I think it's supposed to be a sign of enthusiasm when the poster gets carried away with the exclamation marks and takes their finger off shift.
But it is an much trouble to do it deliberately.
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Date: 2004-06-20 10:07 am (UTC)ROTFLMAO
yeah, i too have to admit that when i first started out in fandom i posted stuff to ff.net, acctually still do, there some people (god knows who) who are reading an obscure WIP of mine there (i get random periodical emails telling me that i am not updating enough) don't think i am ever gonna finish it but i don't have the heart to take it down
i have never written a mary sue (i don't think *g*) but i did receive this review (for an LOTR fic) not sure if it is good or not
Yay! Go you!! That was the funniest part in the whole movie! Cute little rendition! Go LEGOLAS! Yay! Leggy is the best. Please read my fics if you have the time!!
luv sinead aka LegolasLover
yes i did look at her profile and i ran away screaming (i hate to think of her reaction if i had posted the slash version on my story *g*
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Date: 2004-06-20 11:22 am (UTC)Want to know a secret? I have a Mutant X story up there ;)
I know there's some good writers use FFNet, the problem is some terrible ones do too.
I loved that review you got ( I think it's a good one, sort of, in all that teen speak *g* ) I think my favourite part is the Leggy! Ouch!
You should post your slash version, baiting teenies is always fun ;)
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Date: 2004-06-20 11:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-20 11:44 am (UTC)THNX!!11!!
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Date: 2004-06-20 12:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-20 01:03 pm (UTC)Also, thanks for the link. I've just spent a happy time laughing at all the terms *g*
Of course I don't mind you visiting! I often see you at Mouse's LJ.
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Date: 2004-06-20 04:48 pm (UTC)oh wait.. *cough* u r t3k kewlestest eva!!!11!one!!11!!1! i <3 u and ur mad skilz *snicker*
seriously- that was great. bet it was hard to write that badly ^_~ thanks for the laugh!
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Date: 2004-06-21 04:33 am (UTC)THNX!!!!1111!! ur teh best. Leggy 4 eva!!!11111111!
It was surprisingly hard to write that badly, I guess I fail badly with tennie speak ;)
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Date: 2004-06-20 08:10 pm (UTC)thAT is LIKE The beST LOtR fiC I haVE EVR reAD. iTS aLSO dE oNLY LOTr fIC iVE eVr ReaD!!!!!11!!! buT StiLL, iT rOCS! HaRDCOre!!1!!!!~~~!!!1!!@!@#@!!! iVE nEVEr SeeN LoTr but UR fiC mAKeS mE WAnT 2 See iT noW. WoWoW. CooLL! You RUlE!
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Date: 2004-06-21 04:35 am (UTC)U haVE 2 C Lotr!!!!!111111111!
Leggy is dA BoMB!!!!!!!!!111111!
THNX